Film Raider

Movie News - Jessica Alba Didn't Pose For Playboy

2006-03-02T15:37:00.000-04:00

Actress Jessica Alba is threatening to sue Playboy Magazine over an appearance on their cover. Alba was apparently approached by Playboy to do a photo shoot for their cover. Alba claims when she turned them down, Playboy then went to Sony Pictures, who produced Alba's movie Into The Blue to get a publicity photo. Alba and Sony allege that Playboy told Sony she had given them permission to use her photo, so Sony provided Playboy with a publicity shot of her in a bikini. That photo ended up on Playboy's cover this month. The lovely Ms. Alba is annoyed that Playboy may be causing people who see her on the cover of the magazine to assume that she is also inside of the magazine wearing less than a bikini. (We could only hope…) Alba wants Playboy to pull the issue featuring her from newsstands and she wants unspecified monetary damages. Sony wants Playboy to apologize for their "outrageous, unethical behavior", although Sony has not taken any legal action up to this point. E! Online is one of many news outlets covering the story. Even CNN is following this one. (Apparently, even the thought of Jessica Alba naked has piqued everyone's interest.) The Smoking Gun has Jessica's attorney's opening legal shot directed at Playboy, as well as Sony's letter sent to the magazine.

TV News - Dennis Weaver Dies At Age 81

2006-02-27T17:25:00.000-04:00

Dennis Weaver, died Friday at the age of 81 at his home in Colorado. Two of Weaver's most memorable roles were in the TV series McCloud and Gunsmoke. CNN has an obituary.

TV News - Drew Lachey Wins Dancing Competition

2006-02-27T09:35:00.000-04:00

Drew Lachey, Nick's even less talented brother, won ABC's Dancing With The Stars competition. He beat out former football player Jerry Rice and wrestling hottie Stacy Keibler - even though Keibler was much better looking and clearly far more talented. (Not that I'm bitter…) But seriously, how does a guy with that goofy looking beat out a girl whose legs should be declared a national treasure? Something is seriously wrong here…

Movie News - Darren McGavin Dead At 83

2006-02-26T20:14:00.000-04:00

Darren McGavin died Saturday of natural causes in Los Angeles surrounded by his family. His career included many memorable TV and movie roles, including a role in A Christmas Story. Canoe.ca has an obituary.

TV News - Don Knotts Dies

2006-02-26T15:08:00.000-04:00

Don Knotts, the man known best as TV's Barney Fife and Ralph Furley died Friday at the age of 81. Canoe.ca takes a look at his career, which spanned more than 50 years.

Movie News - Batman And Superman Sequels Coming

2006-02-23T19:47:00.000-04:00

Variety suggests (the link goes to E! Online's recap) that sequels to both Batman Begins and Superman Returns are in the works. The Batman sequel has been pretty well assumed given that the movie made more than $200 million during its theatrical release. The Superman Returns sequel seems a bit dicier given that Superman Returns doesn't even open until June. Variety notes that the actors playing Superman (Brandon Routh) and Batman (Christian Bale) are already under contract for sequels; although Batman director Christopher Nolan and Superman director Bryan Singer are not. And on a completely unrelated note, and am I the only one who thinks this Brandon Routh character looks just plain goofy as Superman?

Movie News - Bond Protest Site Launched

2006-02-22T17:02:00.000-04:00

A group of fans annoyed by the choice of Daniel Craig as the new James Bond have launched a website in protest. In addition to pointing out the reasons why they think that he is a bad choice for the role, they are also asking for fans of the Bond movies to boycott the new film in protest. This latest rumbling from Bond fans comes just days after Craig suffered an injury while filming a fight scene for the new Bond movie, Casino Royale.

Rants - More Good High Definition DVD News

2006-02-22T16:42:00.000-04:00

This has been known for quite some time, but this is a good article explaining how early buyers of HDTV's aren't going to be able to benefit from either of the new high definition DVD formats. In a nutshell, the early adopters of HDTV, presumably the same people who would have been early adopters of the new high definition DVD formats, are being left out in the cold. Since older HDTVs don't have the "new improved" outputs (read outputs that prevent you from doing anything Hollywood hasn't dreamed up themselves) their HDTVs that they paid thousands of dollars for won't be able to display the high definition DVDs at full quality. Yep, that’s a wonderful idea. Screw over the people who are most likely to buy your product in its early days. Sounds like a sure-fire marketing technique to me. The more I hear about Blu-ray and HD-DVD, the more I'm rooting for both formats to fall flat on their faces. Hollywood deserves to loose because they are the ones who are insisting on the new draconian security features that the next generation of DVDs will include. The consumer electronics industry deserves to take a hit given that they've rolled over and let the movie industry tell them how to run their businesses. Sorry chumps, the current generation of DVDs are just fine by me. I won't be making a switch until you all get your collective heads out of your asses. I suspect that I'm not alone in that sentiment. Maybe some good old financial hemorrhaging as a result of these goofy products might wise Hollywood and the consumer electronics industry up. It's time they started asking their customers what they want instead of presuming to know what is best for them.

Movie News - Batman Sequel Rumors

2006-02-21T18:12:00.000-04:00

According to the latest rumors circulating the internet, Hugo Weaving and Hugh Jackman are the latest favorites to play The Joker and Harvey Dent (AKA Two Face) respectively in the next Batman movie. Again, these are just rumors, but if it turns out to be more than that, it will be great casting.

Movie News - Indy 4 Is Spielberg's Next Project

2006-02-21T17:54:00.000-04:00

Steven Spielberg has told an Israeli newspaper that his next project will be Indiana Jones 4. Here's hoping that he is able to stick to that plan. Although, since we've been hearing about Indiana Jones 4 since 1989 (when Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade opened), it's probably safe to say that you shouldn't start lining up to buy your ticket just yet.

Movie News - New Bond Girl Cast

2006-02-17T09:30:00.000-04:00

Just hours after Mads Mikkelsen was announced as the new Bond villain in Casino Royale, Eva Green was confirmed as playing Vesper Lynd. Jeffrey Wright has also been announced as Felix Leiter, the CIA agent who frequently pops up in Bond movies. Wright appeared most recently in Syriana. Eva Green last appeared in Kingdom Of Heaven, although she is probably best known (at least on the internet) for her fairly explicit nude scenes in The Dreamers. Well, say what you want about these additions to Casino Royale, at least there is no doubt Ms. Green looks the part.

Rants - Are High Definition DVDs Doomed?

2006-02-16T17:38:00.000-04:00

As if the upcoming format war wasn't going to be enough, News.com has yet another in a long list of reasons that HD-DVD and Blu-ray are looking more and more like they are dead on arrival.

Movie News - Casino Royale Gets Bad Guy

2006-02-16T11:08:00.000-04:00

Mads Mikkelsen has been cast as Le Chiffre, the villain in the next James Bond movie. You can read the fully story at CNN. Now I think that the casting of Daniel Craig as Bond will make the George Lazenby fiasco look like a good move, but I had held out some hope for the other roles. At least they could have cast somebody with at least some name recognition to fill the chief bad guy role. Zero name recognition in either of the two leads isn't going to help ticket sales. As an aside, the CNN article also confirms Judi Dench as M. Now maybe the producers slept through the last few movies, but the rest of us should remember that Dench was introduced as the "new" M in GoldenEye. In fact, there was a scene between M and Bond referring to her predecessor, someone whom Bond had obviously worked with for a while. Now since this movie is being billed as a prequel of sorts to all of the other Bond films, how can Dench's M already be on the job when Bond is just beginning his career, when she has been previously introduced as taking over as M long after Bond has been on the job? Anybody want to bet that before the month of November is over (Casino Royale opens November 17) some folks at MGM/Sony are going to be wishing that they had brought Pierce Brosnan back again?

Movie News - Another Friday The 13th

2006-02-14T19:48:00.000-04:00

According to E! Online, Michael Bay has been hired to get yet another Friday The 13th movie into theaters. According to the report, the new movie will be a prequel to the earlier films. So while the E! website story prominently features everybody's favorite goalie mask-wearing psycho, Jason Vorhees, it's a little unclear whether he will actually be in this movie. For those with short memories, Jason didn't really enter the picture until the very end of the first movie, so it's hard to see him as the central character in a prequel. Of course, this is the same series that once resurrected Jason using lighting, and in a later movie teamed him up with a guy that kills people from within their dreams, so presumably anything is possible.

Movie News - MovieBeam

2006-02-14T16:47:00.000-04:00

Digital Home Canada has a good description of the new MovieBeam on demand system that Disney, Intel and Cisco have launched. It looks interesting, but one has to wonder if it will it be able to compete with the on demand service offered by cable companies. Judging by both the Digital Home article and MovieBeam's own website, they will only be offering 100 movies at a time. That doesn't seem to be substantially different number from what most cable on demand services are offering. In some cases, it may even be lower. If you already own a digital cable box, why would you want to shell out another $250 bucks for another box, which appears to do pretty much the same thing? Given that the service uses an indoor antenna, it seems likely that only the largest of urban areas are going to get access to this service for the foreseeable future. It's an interesting idea, but that seems to be about as far as it goes.

Movie News - German Mr. & Mrs. Smith DVD Extras

2006-02-14T16:17:00.000-04:00

eWeek has a story on how the German release of Mr. & Mrs. Smith uses a very questionable copy protection method. Scary.

Fun Stuff - Brokeback Parody

2006-02-13T22:58:00.000-04:00

If you haven't already seen it, here's a link to that great Brokeback Mountain parody trailer that has been making the rounds on the web - Brokeback To The Future.

Movie News - Ask For Quiet And Get Arrested

2006-02-13T20:16:00.000-04:00

During a screening of Brokeback Mountain, a woman asked another theater patron to tone down her cell phone conversation. When the dumbass refused, the situation turned nasty, and the police were called in. At least the police were apologetic about having to charge the woman. The incident happened in Texas, so I guess the woman should just be happy she isn't facing the death penalty. (Just kidding Texas.) If you ask me, people who talk on cell phones should be tossed out and permanently banned from the theater. Although, I'm not sure if I'd be completely opposed to death row…

Movie News - Jaws Author Dies

2006-02-12T20:01:00.000-04:00

Peter Benchley died Saturday night at the age of 65. It was his 1974 novel Jaws, which became the basis for the Steven Spielberg blockbuster movie. CNN has an obituary detailing his literary and conservation achievements.

Movie News - When A Stranger Calls Trailer

2006-01-18T20:04:00.000-04:00

Apple has the trailer up for the remake of When A Stranger Calls. The movie opens on February 3.

TV News - Don Adams Dies

2005-09-26T16:09:00.000-03:00

Don Adams, best known for his role as Maxwell Smart, in the 1960’s TV series Get Smart, died on Sunday at the age of 82. According to Adams’ former agent, Bruce Tufeld, the actor died of a lung infection following a year of poor health. Newsday has the full Associated Press story on Adams’ passing.

Movie News - Major Movie Studios Form MovieLabs

2005-09-19T19:01:00.000-03:00

The major movie studios have formed a new organization, to be called Motion Picture Laboratories, or MovieLabs, to help fight film piracy. According to The New York Times, more than $30 million has been budgeted to run the operation for its first two years. Among the problems MovieLabs is supposed to tackle will be fighting movie swapping on P2P networks and finding a way to prevent people from using camcorders in theaters to record films. News.com has the full New York Times story.

Site Updates - Firefox Issues

2005-09-16T20:52:00.000-03:00

Yes, the site has an issue when using Firefox. Hopefully it will be corrected in the very near future. Until then, please try to ignore the large gaping space that appears between the first and second posts. If you can’t ignore the endless expanse of blue nothingness, you can always use Internet Explorer, the site seems to display as intended when using that browser. Please accept my apologies for any inconvenience, or for insulting anyone’s aesthetic sensibilities.

Movie News - Director Robert Wise Dies

2005-09-15T19:32:00.000-03:00

He passed away Wednesday, only a few days after celebrating his 91st birthday. Canoe has the AP story.

TV News - Supernatural Online

2005-09-09T20:42:00.000-03:00

The WB is allowing viewers to get a sneak peak at its new show, Supernatural, which begins airing next week. The entire premiere episode will be available online at Yahoo! for viewers to watch until the show airs on Tuesday. It’s nice to see more networks embracing the idea of putting content online. Sci Fi also made an entire episode of Battlestar Galactica available on their website during that show’s first season and it certainly didn’t hurt their ratings. Hopefully, this sneak peek will pay off for The WB and will encourage more networks to follow suit. My only beef? The episode is only available to US residents. Oh well, I guess it’s better than nothing.

Rants - Possible New iTunes Pricing

2005-08-27T15:48:00.000-03:00

It was working so well, it was about time the music industry decided to screw things up. Yep, it looks like the big recording labels aren’t happy with the way Apple’s iTunes does business. Instead of the current 99 cents per song, they want variable pricing (read more expensive) - in some cases raising the price of a song by 50%. The New York Times has a great article on the coming pricing battle between Apple and the recording companies. An overpriced crappy product is what spawned the original Napster. It was the sensible pricing and good business sense of Apple CEO Steve Jobs that has started to stem the tide of music swapping on the net. The music industry had better think long and hard before they start trying to squeeze a few extra cents per song out of their customers. The iTunes music store has gone a long way in fixing the piracy situation, but at the end of the day, the bigger problem of the music industry churning out a crappy product remains. While people may tolerate paying 99 cents for a song by the likes of Ashley Simpson right now, a 50% price hike might just make them think twice about that purchase. Or even worse for the music industry, it might make folks think about firing up their now dormant copy of whatever file swapping program it was that they used to use. Either way, the music industry loses. Apple... not so much. By all accounts they don’t make a whole lot off of the iTunes music store anyway, but they are going to keep selling a crap-load of iPods, regardless of whether people are acquiring music via iTunes or some file swapping program. And no, I don’t believe most people will ever switch over to the iPod incompatible Widows Media based music stores. So big music loses, and Steve Jobs and the boys at Apple will keep watching their bank accounts grow. The big music companies also appear to be a tad bit unhappy with Apple’s dominance in the MP3 player business. Given what just happened to one of Apple’s better known competitors in the MP3 player market, Rio, big music would be well advised to not rock the boat. I doubt Rio will be the last to exit this market, and I think some of the online music stores will likely go a similar route. Companies like music label Sony BMG should just sit on the sidelines and keep their mouths shut; especially given that the consumer electronics division of Sony has had such a noticeable lack of success trying to take on Apple in the MP3 player market. Every time I hear about a new copy protected CD from Sony BMG I have to wonder if they would be churning out such items if the Walkman was the best-selling MP3 player. I guess we’ll never know since the days of Sony being the dominant leader in the portable music industry are long gone. Unless of course their new “Bean” suddenly turns the MP3 player industry on its head. I’m guessing that is about as likely as an ice sculpture contest in Hell. (By the way Sony, maybe you might want to hire people to spell check your ecommerce site. I’m pretty sure the color of that Bean is supposed to read “Cotton Candy Pink”, not “Cotton Candy Pin”. No doubt your keen attention to detail has contributed to your success in the MP3 player market.) Nothing big music does is going to hurt iPod sales, or turn people away from iTunes towards rival online music stores. If anything, any damage that big music inflicts on iTunes as it looks to inflate its own bottom line will turn people back towards rampant piracy again. They certainly aren’t going to turn to the music subscription (read rental) services. And as with the original rise of Napster, the only ones to blame will be the big music companies. So to big music industry executives I say, please listen to Steve Jobs, he’s smarter than all of you. In the end both you and your customers will win if you stick with current iTunes pricing scheme. To customers, if they do raise the prices, don’t steal the music. Instead spend your money on used CDs. That way you get the music you want without being a thief, and the music industry doesn’t get a red cent from you. (Although some other poor schlub has already contributed to their bank accounts.) Truly a win- win situation if you ask me. On the other hand, if the recording industry does come to its senses, you really should keep supporting iTunes, it’s a pretty darn good deal the way it is right now.

Movie News - Redford And Newman May Team Up Again

2005-08-26T21:11:00.000-03:00

CNN has a Reuters story quoting Robert Redford as saying “there's something rolling around that we're talking about” in reference to a possible big screen re-teaming with Paul Newman. While there has been speculation what the project might be, Redford wouldn’t confirm anything. He did, however, confirm that he is planning on a sequel to his 1972 movie, The Candidate, where his character from that film would now be President of the United States.

TV News - The BBC To Simulcast Shows On The Internet

2005-08-26T20:57:00.000-03:00

The BBC looks to become the first major broadcaster to embrace the idea of letting viewers watch shows via their computer as opposed to the traditional scheduled television broadcast. In addition to a simulcasted internet broadcast, BBC News is reporting that viewers could well have the ability to watch shows on the net up to a week after they air. Unfortunately, for those of us in North America, the current plan will restrict usage of the new service to UK viewers only.

Rants - The 60’s Called, They Want Their Set Back

2005-08-23T21:49:00.000-03:00

So I had heard that CNN wanted to relocate their morning show, appropriately titled, American Morning, from its current set with all the pretty windows that front on a New York street. Apparently a set with windows just isn’t serious enough for CNN, so a windowless room it is. At any rate, I tuned in this morning and it looked like the AM gang has relocated to something that was left over from Laugh In - the darn thing even came complete with poka dots. I’m guessing this isn’t the new set - since it looks like the old set, just with tie died curtains covering the windows, but it sure didn’t make me feel like I was watching a serious news show. Instead all I felt was queasy and claustrophobic. I ended up having to change the channel to Good Morning America; ironically the light shining in from their picture windows didn’t make the show seem less newsy. It seems like everything CNN does these days they manage to screw up. I’m not sure if the current AM set is a temp or not, but would the windows have been so bad for a few more weeks until the new set was done? If this is the new set, it won’t last long, because my guess is that it will turn current viewers away as opposed to bringing new ones in. Speaking of sets, what the heck is up with that new Wolf Blitzer show, The Situation Room? The poor guy just stands around in front of a giant video display. Is that supposed to make us take Wolf more seriously? Wolf looks like he should be giving a weather forecast, not reporting on Iraq. He also spends half of his time looking at this giant screen - with his back to the camera. Yep, somebody really gave that one some thought. Sorry CNN, it isn’t your sets that are going to save you, although they may help to propel you more quickly on your current downward spiral. The only thing that is going to refloat that sinking ship is for you to spend some money on some real anchors - maybe ones with a wee bit of credibility. You can put up as many recycled poka dot sets as you want, but as long as the low-rent talent keeps showing up on them, people are going to keep changing the channel to one the features anchors that they respect. CNN might be “the most trusted name in news”, but you can’t say the same about most of the anchors.

TV News - Veronica Mars Casting

2005-07-14T21:21:00.000-03:00

Some interesting casting news for the UPN show Veronica Mars. Zap2it is reporting that Charisma Carpenter (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel) will appear in at least 6 episodes of the series during the upcoming season. In a slightly stranger casting twist, Steve Guttenberg (Police Academy) will guest in seven episodes, possibly more.

Fun Stuff - Mariah Boob Update

2005-07-14T20:19:00.000-03:00

Apparently, that bit from a couple of days ago about Mariah Carey having a “wardrobe malfunction” at a concert was yet another internet rumor gone wild. It seems that while Ms. Carey did have problems with her dress, she never fell out of it as so many sites reported. Oh well, good news for Mariah. Not so much for the male fans sitting in the front row of that show.

Movie News - Chainsaw Prequel Casting

2005-07-14T20:08:00.000-03:00

Jordana Brewster is in discussions to join the cast of the upcoming Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel which is set to begin shooting in September. Brewster would play one of those who have the misfortune of meeting up with Leatherface in his early years. Maybe he’ll just be Leatherforehead at that point. CANOE has a more complete recap of the Variety story.

Movie News - Former ‘Dukes’ Star Asking Fans Avoid New Movie

2005-07-14T19:54:00.000-03:00

Former Dukes Of Hazard actor Ben Jones, who played Cooter on the show, is upset with the level of profanity and sexual content in the film remake of the series which is set to be released in a few weeks. He considers the new movie to be “a sleazy insult” to those involved with the original show and wants fans to take a pass on the new version. CNN has the AP story here. Am I the only one who finds it just a wee bit ironic that a guy who made a name for himself playing a character named ‘Cooter’ is disturbed by a little sexual content? One has to wonder what fellow TV actors Jerry ‘Beaver’ Mathers and Vincent ‘Big Pussy’ Pastore think about this controversy…

Fun Stuff - Top 10 Car Chases

2005-07-13T19:32:00.000-03:00

CNN has posted a fun little list of the top ten movie car chases of all time. The list is based on the results of a survey that was conducted by a car insurance company.

Movie News - What Was Michael Bay Thinking?

2005-07-12T19:59:00.000-03:00

When Scarlett Johansson had to film a love scene for her upcoming film The Island she was unhappy with the bra she was supposed to wear. So instead of wearing the cheap bra, she opted to go without one, or anything else, for that matter. Director Michael Bay tells Reuters that he had to make her keep her assets covered up in order to keep the movie rated PG-13. Her breasts warrant an R rating? Most Impressive. I’m not sure about anybody else, but I’m thinking that even with an R rating, a movie featuring a topless Scarlett Johansson is going to do pretty darn good at the box office. Not for nothing, but if I was Bay, I would have let her strip anyway. Keep her R-rated boobies out of theaters and save them for an unrated DVD edition. Or, just keep the footage for the old private collection. Either way, Michael, give your head a shake, Scarlett Johansson could have been wandering around your movie set topless - who cares if you ever used the footage. Just think of the mammaries, err, memories you missed out on.

Movie News - Concert Bonus

2005-07-12T18:58:00.000-03:00

Apparently German concert fans (at least the male ones) got their money’s worth at a recent Mariah Carey concert. Ireland Online is reporting that the singer’s breasts decided to get out for a breath of fresh air while she was on stage. Why is a movie website reporting this? Well, one has to assume that if a similar accident had taken place during Glitter, it might not have been the bomb it was. Sure it’s a tenuous movie connection at best, but it’s the only way I could figure out how to post about Mariah’s boobs.

Rants - NCIS Season Finale

2005-05-24T19:19:00.000-03:00

I'd like to personally extend a big thanks to the douche bag who maintains the NCIS episode guide over at epguides.com / tvtome.com. I guess the concept of spoilers isn't something that this boob has fully wrapped his or her head around. Anyway, thanks for giving away the identity of the character who dies in tonight's episode. I really appreciated coming across that without any warning long before tonight's episode airs. I guess I don't have to bother to watch now. In the future, you asshat, you might want to do what every other considerate webmaster does, let your readers know that you are posting a spoiler so that they might avoid having the show completely ruined for them. It's nice to get a head start on posting the episode synopsis (it's not like you don't have all summer to do it), but a little brain power should be associated with the exercise. Ironically, the name of the character killed was posted using spoiler space on the page dedicated to show news; it's too bad the same logic couldn't have been used throughout the site. Maybe I'm crazy, but I would have thought people would be more likely to expect potential spoilers on a news page (and therefore be on the lookout for them) rather than on one where people expect to see summaries of an episode that has already aired. So the need for a spoiler warning is much greater in an episode guide if it is being posted BEFORE the show airs. But I guess common sense is just too much to expect from everyone.

TV News - Battlestar Galactica Returns Tonight

2005-01-14T18:32:00.000-04:00

More than a year after the miniseries debuted, Battlestar Galactica returns tonight in the United States on the Sci Fi channel (and tomorrow on Canada's Space) as a regular TV series. The series debuted weeks ago in England and is almost through its initial 13 episode run, so fans in North America already know a great deal about what to expect on Galactica in the coming weeks. One of the more interesting aspects of the new series was the casting of Richard Hatch (Captain Apollo on the original series) in a guest role as a political prisoner/terrorist. Hatch was one of the more vocal critics of producing a remake miniseries. Hatch wasn't alone at voicing his displeasure at some of the changes. Fans cried foul over some of the larger ones, including casting a woman (Katee Sackhoff) to fill the role of Starbuck, a character originally portrayed by Dirk Benedict. Edward James Olmos, the star of the new Galactica, isn't apologizing to the show's critics. According to Zap2it, he reiterated his feelings from a year ago when he recently suggested that those who don't like the changes just shouldn't bother to watch. At yesterday's Television Critics Association press tour he suggested that those who didn't like the idea of the remake should just watch the old series on DVD instead of watching the new one. After more than a year of hearing complaints, Olmos made it clear that he wasn't about to try to win disgruntled fans over, instead suggesting that they are going to have to realize that this is a very different series from the original. Apparently the Sci Fi Channel must be expecting a good response for the new series despite the criticism. According to Sci Fi Wire, they've already ordered scripts for the show's second season. Sci Fi Wire has more on the show's second season as well as comments from series creator Ronald D. Moore made at this week's TCA press tour.

Movie News - More Superman Returns Casting

2005-01-14T18:31:00.000-04:00

According to The Hollywood Reporter, James Marsden, best known as Cyclops from the X-Men movies has signed on to play Richard White, the son of The Daily Planet's Perry White. Coincidentally, Hugh Laurie (House) is coming close to signing on to play the role of the elder White. The two actors join Kevin Spacey and Kate Bosworth who also recently signed on as Lex Luthor and Lois Lane. Unknown actor Brandon Routh will round out the cast in the title role.

Movie News - Spider-Man 3 Gets Writer

2005-01-14T18:30:00.000-04:00

Alvin Sargent has been hired by Sony to write the third Spider-Man movie. Sargent, who was responsible for rewriting the first two Spider-Man movies, has also been given the option of writing the fourth, according to Variety. Spider-Man 3 is scheduled for a spring 2007 release.

Movie News - Disney Runs Out Of Original Ideas

2005-01-14T18:29:00.000-04:00

Disney has hired screenwriters Brian Klugman and Lee Sternthal to come up with a script for the remake of the 1980's sci-fi movie Tron, according to Variety. Apparently this time out a programmer will get caught in some sort of cyberworld rather than the cheesy video game featured in the original. Sci Fi Wire has more information.

Movie News - Mola Ram Dies

2005-01-14T18:26:00.000-04:00

Bollywood actor Amrishi Puri has died at the age of 72. While he had a long career career in India, he was best known to western audiences as Mola Ram, the evil cult leader in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The CBC has a more extensive look at the life of Mr. Puri.

Rants - War Of The Worlds

2005-01-12T18:03:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to Paramount on the crappy website for their upcoming War Of The Worlds. Not only did someone neglect to ad a "skip" button so we wouldn't have to endure the site's painful flash intro, but once you sit through the pointless animation, there is almost nothing on the site. Yeah, sure, the trailer is there, but you can get that just as easily on the Apple website without having to endure any flash crap. If you must go to the official War Of The Worlds site, perhaps for the privilege of handing over your email address so they can send you "updates" (also known as advertising), I'd recommend using the non-flash version of the site. By the way, that's an option I would have liked to have been given when I went to the site. The only reason I even found it is because I never bothered to install flash in my Firefox browser. Here's a little tip to the morons at the Paramount web design team: just because someone happens to have flash installed in Internet Explorer doesn't mean they don't want the option of a plain html site that loads quickly. People go to movie web sites to get information about the movie, not to suffer through some web designer's newest flash-enhanced vanity project.

Movie News - X-Files Sequel On Track

2005-01-12T17:41:00.000-04:00

USA Today is reporting that X-Files star David Duchovny confirms that a second X-Files movie will shoot either this year or next. Duchovny describes the new movie as a horror film that will focus on the supernatural rather than aliens.

Rants - CBC Newsworld

2005-01-03T18:06:00.000-04:00

I just caught a rebroadcast of CBC's very enlightening Fifth Estate documentary on preacher and "miracle worker" Benny Hinn the other night. Too bad whoever was running their control room was asleep at the wheel. The commercials kept coming on several minutes early, and ran at least twice as long as they should have. As a result I missed a good 10 to 15 minutes of the show due when it consistently cut out in mid sentence to accommodate the extra set of ads that ran during every commercial break. Good work kids. I hope it runs again in the near future (in its entirety this time), because it was very well done. Clearly those responsible for producing the content are a lot more skilled than those who are supposed to get it on the air in one piece. As for Hinn, let's just say I won't be handing him any cash in the near future. That is, unless he promises to use it to do something about that bad comb-over of his.

Rants - King Arthur Ads

2004-12-30T18:05:00.000-04:00

I'm a little surprised by the advertising campaign for the DVD release of King Arthur. While I realize that it's common for studios to use music from other popular movies during the initial advertising for a film's theatrical run (in theory because the score of the movie might not yet be finished at the time of the production of the trailer), I don't think I've ever seen it done for a DVD release. I was more than a little surprised to hear music that sounded suspiciously like the score of the Lord Of The Rings movies playing in the background during shots of King Arthur's battle sequences. While I'll admit that King Arthur wasn't a bad movie, it certainly wasn't up to the standards of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. And most certainly its battles were not in the same league as those in Return Of The King. Is using the LOTR score clever advertising or just a cheap ploy to try to rope LOTR fans into taking a chance on this DVD? I vote for the later.

Rants - Britney Naked!!

2004-08-29T18:18:00.000-03:00

Or at least she was during the shooting of the video for her song Toxic, according to VH1. Am I the only one who thinks a Playboy shoot is right around the corner? Or maybe a "stolen" sex tape might surface. Either way, there is no doubt in my mind that we are inevitably going to be seeing a whole lot more skin from Ms. Spears sooner rather than later. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Rants - I’m Back

2004-08-25T17:56:00.000-03:00

After long neglecting it, I’m going to attempt (yet again) to update this blog on a regular basis. Who knows, I might even be able to update it daily. I’ve made a few cosmetic changes, including the spiffy new template you see before you. Mind you, I haven’t had an opportunity as of this writing to customize it in any real way. So if it bears a striking resemblance to another 1000 blogs, you know why. Along with the new template comes the ability to post titles along with my posts, which means no more html coding for me. This also means less work, and that translates into me being more likely to post frequently since laziness is a trait that I’m sadly afflicted with. I’ve updated some of my more recent posts to reflect the new title field, but given my afore-mentioned laziness as well as my tendency to procrastinate, I’ve put off updating the rest of the posts in my archives until another day – this pretty much translates into sometime around when hell freezes over. And finally, I’m debating whether or not to continue posting movie reviews here or to confine them exclusively to another blog. I guess time will tell. Thanks to all who are reading this, although given the sparse nature of the updates, I doubt that there are too many of you out there.

TV News - Galactica A Go?

2004-02-04T18:27:00.000-04:00

After weeks of speculation and rumor, the Sci Fi channel took what seems to be a big step towards bringing back Battlestar Galactica as a weekly series. The contracts of the new cast that had been involved in the highly rated miniseries remake of the classic series were set to expire on January 31. Hours before the contracts were to have expired, Sci Fi picked up the options of the cast members involved in the miniseries, which seems to pave the way for them to bring Galactica back on a weekly basis. The Sci Fi network did note that despite picking up the contract options of the cast, a new series has yet to be given a green light. Although The Hollywood Reporter is quoting sources that say production on the show could begin as early as April, and that Sci Fi is looking to launch the show later this year. The Hollywood Reporter also notes that the price tag for each episode could be in the $1.5 million range, making it one of the more expense cable series on TV. When the new Battlestar Galactica miniseries ran on the Sci Fi network in December of last year, it achieved ratings that were among the highest in the network's history.

Rants - More Primetime Skin

2004-02-04T18:04:00.000-04:00

I guess ABC was feeling a little left out after CBS’s boob-gate from the Super Bowl. Well, they made up for it last night on Line Of Fire. In a scene from last night’s episode, actress Sarah Thompson appears in a very skimpy bra and thong. In addition to giving us a close-up of her barely covered behind (if you can call a string between her butt cheeks coverage), they also included a couple of shots of her from the front. Apparently nobody at ABC noticed that Ms. Thompson’s thong, in addition to having very little fabric, was also constructed of fairly sheer fabric. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about getting a peek at the lovely Ms. Thompson’s personal grooming techniques down below. But it’s hard to believe that if I, a casual viewer, noticed Ms. Thompson’s waxing preferences that nobody involved in the production of the show didn’t. I’m surprised that I’m the first one (at least judging by a Google search) that took notice of last night’s primetime pubic hair. Considering the brouhaha over Janet Jackson’s right boob, I figured this one would have sparked a little interest. One thing’s for sure, if her panties had just been a tiny bit thinner, there would likely be a Congressional investigation by now.

Movie News - Next X-Men in 2005

2004-02-04T17:38:00.000-04:00

In an Interview with a Florida newspaper, The Bradenton Herald, Patrick Stewart says that he expects the third installment of the X-Men series to hit theaters sometime in 2005. The paper also reports that Stewart thinks it is very unlikely that he will return to the big screen in another Star Trek movie due to Star Trek: Nemesis' poor box-office showing. According to the paper, Stewart told an audience at the Sarasota Film Festival that he "thinks Star Trek is over". He went on to add "And that ain't such a bad thing. The last movie didn't do well. ... But I'm sure all you saw it."

Rants - Janet’s Right Boob

2004-02-03T18:12:00.000-04:00

OK, I get that there were probably a large number of children watching the Super Bowl. I’m also smart enough to realize that Janet Jackson popping out of her costume was no accident despite the dumb-ass “wardrobe failure” explanation offered by Justin Timberlake. Nobody is dumb enough to believe that Janet always wears that much jewelry on her nipple. But come on, is this whole incident really a surprise? We have everyone and their dog expressing shock and outrage that this could happen during a “family oriented” event. Huh? Is this the same family oriented event where grown men tackle each other? Is this the same family oriented event where every second commercial features scantily-clad women advertising alcohol? Anybody that says that they are surprised that this happened at the Super Bowl is either a liar or an idiot. The only thing I’m surprised about is that it didn’t happen sooner. It’s a breast – get over it people. I’m just sorry that we didn’t get to see both of them. Oh well, there’s always next year. As for the poor children who were permanently scarred by the sight of a breast. Well, if a little girl is horrified by a boob, then her parents had better get her into therapy before she starts developing two of her own. On the other hand, if your young boy was shocked by the sight of Janet’s equipment on display, you might want to start preparing yourself now for the day he comes home and tells you that he just got a starring role on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy. Just as an aside, that Sun thing that Janet had bolted to her nipple looked pretty heavy. Wouldn’t that hurt? Especially with all that dancing…

Rants - Britney Spears

2004-01-16T18:08:00.000-04:00

What’s up with this girl? A couple of weeks after her Vegas wedding publicity disaster she releases a new video for her song Toxic. Not only was the song pretty bad, but she gets more down and dirty in this video than she ever has in previous videos. In fact some of her grinds made me think of Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty” video released a while back. Another eerie similarity is that Britney also sports black hair for a part of the video – similar to Ms. Aguilera’s unattractive new look. Note to Britney: The last person you want to be emulating is Aguilera, a young lady who could have had a bright singing future, but whose recent career moves make it look like she is on minute 14 of her 15 minutes. By the way Britney, you became a star with good music and the sexy schoolgirl image. Crappy music and the new less-sexy, more-trampy look aren’t going to help sell the CDs. I think it’s time Britney fires her management team and start looking for some new advisors.

Rants - The Desk Is Getting Cleaner

2004-01-16T18:00:00.000-04:00

I’m still cleaning… Dawson’s Creek Finale This is a show that was absolutely brilliant during its first season. But it began to go downhill when its creator, Kevin Williamson, left to work on other projects. He returned to write the series finale and it was brilliant. In a two hour period he made me forget the so-so seasons since he left and brought the show back to the quality that it enjoyed during its initial season. ER Season Finale While last season’s finale was better than the show’s 200th episode a few weeks earlier, it still wasn’t all that hot. This time out they sent two of the ER docs out into a war zone in the middle of an African jungle. Even with guns a blazing, this episode was still on the dull side. CNN At It Again CNN interviewing Harry Knowles? And they wonder why Fox News is kicking their asses? Disney Disposable DVDs Disney is developing a DVD that you can throw away after use. Way to help the environment Disney. I guess they figured AOL CDs weren’t already adding enough pollution to the world. SpikeTV The “First TV Network For Men” launched. Hmm, I always thought that was Playboy. Or even mentv in Canada. I guess they did as much research on their competition as they did on that goofy new name of theirs. EDIT: Since I originally wrote this, the about us section of their web site now refers to the site as the first network in America for men. I guess they pulled their heads out of their asses long enough to have a look around at the TV landscape. Although, I would still argue that Playboy or ESPN are a hell of a lot more appealing to guys than a network that specializes in reruns from the 1980’s. Gregory Peck & David Brinkley Die A great actor and a great journalist who will both be missed. Maxim WLBZ TV in Bangor Maine decided not to air an NBC special that featured content from Maxim magazine. Again WLBZ proves itself to be the worst network affiliate on the planet. I’ve known it for years. In the 90’s they would routinely replace Sunday afternoon NBA games with old reruns of Roseanne. Yep, programming geniuses. V It looks like V is coming back. Cool.

Rants - Stuff Lying On Top Of My Desk

2004-01-10T18:06:00.000-04:00

Here’s a couple of random babblings that I was supposed to post last may, but never got around to. How self-important am I that I still feel the need to post them? :) Third Watch Finale After a couple of weeks of promos that never panned out, NBC’s Third Watch eventually did deliver on the loss of a cast member during its season finale. All I can say was that it was shocking, and a little on the gory side. Why do the networks seem to feel that they need shock value to tell a good story? (For those of you who don’t remember since it was last April or May, they ended up blowing one of the lead characters into two pieces.) Hadn’t we seen that before with characters losing body parts on JAG and ER? (Via a landmine and a helicopter blade respectively.) Here’s hoping that sometime soon network executives will wise up and insist on writers who don’t have to resort to shock value all of the time. ER 200 ER’s episode number 200 was bloody boring. (No pun intended.) If that’s the best that they could come up with for the show’s 200th episode, than all involved should consider a new line of work. Hunter After only a few weeks on the air, Hunter’s return to the air ended due to poor ratings. Hmm, I wonder if screwing around with the show’s timeslot on the first week played a part. I know I never bothered to check the show out after getting the shaft by NBC on week number one when they scheduled it at one time and then aired it an hour earlier. (Causing me, and probably lots of others, to miss it.) Enterprise The end of last season’s Enterprise saw them pull out the old standbys of the Borg and pon farr (the Vulcan mating cycle). The Borg episode was handled well, but the pon farr episode just seemed like an excuse to get Jolene Blalock stripped down to her undies and get her all hot and sweaty – not that there’s anything wrong with that…. The West Wing The final two episodes of last season on the West Wing were brilliant. The president’s daughter gets herself kidnapped, and we get a look at just how bad things can get in the oval office. And the temporary addition of John Goodman to the cast didn’t hurt things either.

Rants - House Cleaning

2004-01-10T18:05:00.000-04:00

Further to my last post; in addition to posting more, I also intend to revamp the look of this space. I hope to lose the standard template in favor of something a little more customized. Witch Blade I finally saw an episode of the series Witch Blade last night. Yeah, I know, it’s been canceled for almost a year now. What can I say; I’m a little backed up. It was the two-hour series premiere. I was very impressed, especially with the director’s style. It’s a darn shame it’s already cancelled. More than once in my life I’ve stumbled across a show that was on its last legs that I’ve really enjoyed. But this is the first time I procrastinated in checking out a show for so long that it was already long gone before I ever saw it. But at least there are reruns. Battlestar Galactica While in TV mode, I think it’s time I make mention of the new Battlestar Galactica. Like most fans of the old TV show, I was less than thrilled when I heard about all of the changes that they had in store for the new remake. I have to admit all of my fears were groundless. The new mini-series was superior in just about every respect to the original. And for the most part, the changes made to the storyline were improvements on the original version. My one regret is that Dirk Benedict was nowhere to be found. But if they had to replace him as Starbuck, they couldn’t have found a better choice than Katee Sackhoff; even if it did involve a little gender bending to the character. Here’s hoping that the good ratings that the miniseries received will lead to it becoming a regular series. For me it couldn’t come too quickly, the miniseries kind of left us hanging, and I’m looking forward to seeing some resolutions.

Rants - It’s Been A While

2004-01-10T16:11:00.000-04:00

Since I’ve been more than a bit neglectful of this space in recent months, I figured it was a good New Year’s resolution to start updating a bit more frequently. Over the next couple of days I hope to digitize all those thoughts on movies and TV shows that I have been jotting down on post-it notes and scraps of paper for the last couple of months. It really ends up being a great resolution; not only do I give my site more frequent content, but I will finally manage to rid the top of my desk of all these little pieces of paper.

Rants - Hunter

2003-09-14T18:10:00.000-03:00

Well, I had enjoyed the two Hunter reunion movies and was looking forward to checking out the return of the series that NBC was promoting would air at 9 eastern on a Saturday night towards the end of last season. I guess some clown at the network thought it might be fun and change the time to an hour earlier at the last minute. Good one bozos. I’m sure that did wonders for the ratings. And it undoubtedly pissed off a lot of people, like me, who ended up missing the show. Bob Hope I caught the Bob Hope tribute special a while back on NBC – this was for his birthday, not his death. I’m not sure how, but NBC managed to screw it up. This was the same week as the Third Watch promos that didn’t pan out and the rescheduled Hunter. Yep, it was one hell of a week for them. Why exactly did the network feel the need to include an overly generous amount of clips of current “stars”, and I use that term loosely, wishing Hope a happy birthday? Most of the so-called stars were from NBC’s own shows, which made the bits all the more cheap. But the killer for me was several Martin Short segments in which he was made up as his annoying Jiminy Glick character commenting on Hope movies. Wow, good way to go out of your way to ruin what should have been a wonderful special. Thankfully, the career of Hope was more than enough to transcend all of the crap NBC felt the need to fill the special with. Third Watch Two For Two For two weeks in a row Third Watch episodes didn’t live up to their promos. NBC must have been trying to set a new record for promising viewers shows that they didn’t feel the need to deliver on in a timely fashion. Oprah’s Close Encounter With A Light Socket I was flipping through the TV channels one day, and happened on Oprah’s new hairstyle. It was the afro from hell. You would think with all of the money that the woman has that she could afford to hire someone to tell her she looks like crap before going on the air. Interesting to note that the next time I flipped by the afro was gone. I guess somebody had the guts to tell Queen Oprah how bad she looked. Poppy’s Puppies Just happened to tune into The View some time back and noticed that the lovely Poppy Montgomery, one of the stars of the show Without A Trace was co-hosting the show. What caught my attention was the extremely low cut blouse that Ms. Montgomery decided to wear on the show. Even better was that she felt the need to constantly lean forward to talk to the other co-hosts. Now I know why they call it The View. If Poppy had just leaned forward another degree or two those suckers would have been out on the table in all their glory. Hey Poppy, please come back and co-host that show as often as possible. Identity Promo When the movie Identity was released the ads caught my attention. It billed itself as the scariest movie since The Ring. Hmm, The Ring was as scary as a dust bunny. No wonder Identity disappeared from theaters so quickly.

Rants - A Wee Bit More Catching Up

2003-09-14T17:51:00.000-03:00

I’m still behind, but getting closer to being up to date. NBC Promo A While back I was watching an NBC program and a promo came on for their coverage of arena football. But instead of trying to tout the benefits of the game, the promo boasted of how the trailer for the new Matrix movie (The Matrix Reloaded – shows you how far I’m behind) would be shown during a break in the game. You know when the commercials are more of an incentive to watch a program than the show itself it says a great deal about the quality of the show. TV Sound Am I the only one who is noticing a huge increase in the difference between the volume of TV shows and that of the commercials recently? It seems to be so pronounced on some channels that I am now forced to have the remote in my hand at all times to mute the volume during commercials for fear of disturbing my entire neighborhood. Laci With the somewhat discovery of the body of Laci Peterson am I the only one who was a little put off by the glee of some members of the media at reporting on the condition of the body? In some cases they were almost thrilled to be able to report every little detail they could on the dismembered state of the poor woman’s corpse. No wonder so many people are turning away from TV news to the internet. Spike TNN (The National Network) recently changed its name to Spike TV. Uh, OK. Little tip kids, the shows are the reason that people watch a network, not the name of the channel. If the shows continue to suck, so will the ratings, no matter how many nifty names you dream up. Oh, and if you are going to use those two goofy bastards that seem to appear in every second commercial on TNN (you know, the guys promoting The New TNN name) that isn't going to help you in the ratings war either. Zahn The overpaid, overrated, Paula Zahn has moved to prime time on CNN. Morning TV just got a whole lot better. It would have gotten a whole lot better had CNN tapped Heidi Collins to replace Zahn. Sadly, they went with Soledad O’Brien, who looks like she would rather be somewhere other than CNN on most mornings. Good job CNN, you have managed to go from really bad, to just plain awful. Third Watch Kudos to NBC on their promotion of the show Third Watch during final part of last season. The promos suggested a tragic end for one of the show’s characters. Well the first show following the promos came and went and everyone was still alive. But we did get a promo for the same event for the next week’s show. Morons.

Rants - The Daily Show

2003-08-25T18:03:00.000-03:00

I'm curious, am I alone in my disappointment in The Daily Show’s newest correspondent, Samantha Bee? It doesn’t seem like she is bringing a whole lot to the program. I'm not sure if it is the style of her "character" or that she hasn't had the best stories to work with. Or maybe it's just a case of nerves while she is settling in to her new job. But whatever it is, I haven't found her to be the least bit amusing in her early appearances. For an otherwise very entertaining show, the fact that most of her bits fall completely flat sticks out like a very sore unfunny thumb.

Rants - CNN Breaking News

2003-08-24T17:54:00.000-03:00

Earlier this week, I happened to catch CNN's live breaking coverage of the bombing of a bus in Israel. If there was ever a question in my mind why they are getting their butt kicked by Fox News it has disappeared. We begin our coverage with Kyra Phillips, a woman who clearly has no business being on a channel where breaking news is the order of the day. While talking to someone on the scene, makes a point of saying that she doesn't want to be gruesome, then proceeds to mention that she has heard that there are “severed bodies” at the site of the blast. Huh? Gee, Kyra, that wasn't at all gruesome. Although I would have expected nothing less from her. The week before, during the blackout on the east coast, she speculated, despite any evidence, that both a computer virus and terrorists were the cause of the sudden power failure. I guess Kyra's idea of news is defined as anything that pops into her empty little head. CNN then goes on to show graphic video of the injured, including a shot of a bloody child. Kyra doesn't hide her revulsion at the video being played out in front of her. On this point I can't argue with her. It is only after they have shown these graphic images that they place a small note up in the top corner of the screen that they are broadcasting unedited video. Nice to see that they finally got around to that. Then Phillip's co-anchor, Miles O'Brien, comes on and makes a half-assed apology about the nature of the video that they have just exposed their viewers to. He notes that it only happened because they have no control over the video, since it is coming live from an Israeli TV network. Gosh Miles, nice to see CNN can't even manage to control what goes out over its own channel. Here's an idea morons, instead of rushing to be the first to be on the air with the blood and guts, why not use a delay for the news feeds that you use? That way you might just insure that you don't have to issue warnings, which O'Brien did, that maybe parents might want to have their children leave the room. Oh wait, you can't do that, God forbid Fox or MSNBC got the pictures of maimed bodies on the air 30 second before you did. But things got even better. Just moments after O’Brien’s apology, CNN decided that their little unedited video note in the corner wasn’t cutting it. So right in the center of the bottom portion of the screen, you know, the spot where they usually display the colorful “name” of their story, like “Sniper On The Loose” or “America Strike Back”, they decided to display “Graphic Video” in the same style as they use for their other idiotic story slogans. Make no mistake about it, this wasn’t a responsible broadcaster trying to warn viewers about what they might see, this was a cheap attempt to draw in more viewers who might be looking for some severed limbs. Sorry, CNN, you’ve lost your way, and my respect. There is no denying that Kyra Phillips is gorgeous, but it takes more than good looks to make a good news anchor. Sadly she doesn't have it. So the next time breaking news is going on, if Kyra is sitting behind the anchor desk, I'm grabbing the remote control. And the next time you decide to brand another news story with another goofy logo, like “America’s New War”, my news is going to start coming from anyone other than CNN. As for the graphic gore, you might want to clean that up before one of your viewers loses their lunch all over their TV screen.

Rants - Bob Hope

2003-07-28T18:07:00.000-03:00

I just had to return from my blogging hiatus to acknowledge the death of a great entertainer. I really don't have anything too profound to say on the sad occasion of his passing. I will say that I was extremely pleased to see that the media did a wonderful job in paying tribute to his career and his years of public service. Thanks for the memories Mr. Hope. You will be missed.

Rants - What A Girl Can't Want

2003-05-13T18:17:00.000-03:00

During the war, the promotional posters for the movie What A Girl Wants were pulled because they featured lead Amanda Bynes making a peace symbol. Apparently the studio didn't want to offend anybody. My question, when exactly did peace become offensive?

Rants - Heidi Collins

2003-05-13T17:53:00.000-03:00

For a while there I was wondering if I was the only one who noticed CNN news anchor Heidi Collins was just plain hot, as well as being a darn good anchor. Her star has risen quickly lately do to her reporting on the Columbia disaster and the Iraq war. Now she is frequently filling Paula Zahn’s old seat on CNN’s American Morning. So apparently I’m not the only one who wants to see more of Heidi on the network. Also During The War
Judy Woodruff reported recently on CNN that there is “now evidence” that Saddam Hussein lived a life of luxury in Iraq. Gee, thanks for that breaking news CNN. I’m glad we all have you guys to point things like that out to us. And I’m even more thankful that you do it such a way as to try to make people think you are passing along information that isn’t already commonly known. The fact that we have all known for years that the guy owns several dozen palaces would never have been a tip off for the rest of us that he was living well. Thank you for doing your part in keeping me informed CNN. If it weren’t for you I would have just kept on believing that Saddam lived like a pauper as he shuttled between his million dollar homes. Stay tuned tonight for a special report on CNN in which they reveal to us that the world isn’t really flat after all. More Amusing War Anecdotes
Another fun CNN story goes along these lines: reporter in the field Walt Rogers decided to share an amusing little anecdote which he though may give anchor Aaron Brown a chuckle. He told of how he and the marines he was embedded with met some Iraqi civilians who wanted to know when they could begin using their own guns to kill Iraqi soldiers. Yep, that’s the punch line kids. He is easily the most bloodthirsty bastard to ever grace a TV screen. Maybe now that this conflict is all over we can ship him and Geraldo Rivera off to an island somewhere where they never again have to encounter members of the human race. Girls Gone To Jail
Joe Francis, the scum bag that makes the Girls Gone Wild videos, is facing 22 criminal charges including filming underage girls. Now I really have no problem with his videos providing the participants are adults. If you want to get drunk and get naked in front of a video camera in the middle of Mardi Gras, that’s your stupidity. But Francis, who has always struck me as a smarmy sleazebag, deserves to rot in jail for a while if he really did film minors.

Rants - Still Catching Up

2003-04-27T18:14:00.000-03:00

I’m still way behind on posting, so here are a few more recent thoughts that I haven’t had time to post. Boston Public
On a recent Monday night I caught Boston Public. It was refreshing to see that it displayed some of the whimsy that made David E. Kelley shows so enjoyable in days gone by. The guest appearance by Verne Troyer (Mini Me) as a disgruntled former teacher was as good as anything that Kelley used to treat us with on Picket Fences. Actually, recent weeks of the show haven’t been all that bad. I guess once Kelley got over his Catholic Church bashing obsession he was able to get back to some real writing again. It’s worth noting that the past few weeks over on Kelley’s other Monday night drama, The Practice, have been about the best of the season. With some of the plot twists and shocks that made the show so original in seasons past. While this a couple of recent episode went back to the melodrama that has followed the show all season, I hope that both The Practice and Boston Public will manage to finish out the season on a strong note, so that their seasons won’t have been a complete waste. News War
I’m going to skip my thoughts on the now ended war on Iraq and go right to my thoughts of the coverage. Should Peter Arnett have been fired for his interview with Iraqi TV? Tough call. Sure he was hard on the US side, and sure it might have been questionable for him to have given the interview in the first place. But from the outside looking in, it seems like a little quid pro quo to me. Arnett seemed to get more access inside Iraq than other western journalist. Perhaps the price he had to pay for that access was the granting of the interview. Hardly an earth shattering trade off, if you ask me. If his responses weren’t coerced and he was answering as he honestly felt, I‘m not sure of the harm that he caused. I understand the argument that journalists are supposed to be impartial and not express their opinions, but if opinions coming through on the air were a cause for dismissal, then there would be a hell of a lot of journalists in the past couple of weeks who would have joined the unemployment lines. Almost the entire staff of CNN would be polishing their resumes at this point. In some cases it has just been subtle cheerleading. But in many cases it is a great deal more unprofessional. Paula Zahn is the queen of the loaded question, everything out of her mouth seemed to be geared towards looking as pro war as possible. Then we have the astoundingly blatant Lou Dobbs. How in hell his show can be referred to as a “news hour” is beyond my comprehension. This guy might as well be on the payroll of the Pentagon he is so one-sided. If anything good comes out of the Arnett story, I sincerely hope that CNN takes a cue from NBC and cuts Dobbs loose as soon as possible. I’m sure if I had written this a couple of weeks ago that this would be the point where I could fill several paragraphs gleefully pointing out the complete incompetence of Connie Chung and the fact that she really has no business being a news anchor. Fortunately someone at CNN finally decided to jettison her. It was one of the first good moves that they have made in a long time, but long overdue. And speaking of anchors who need to be jettisoned someplace, let’s turn our attention to Geraldo Rivera and his latest stunt. The guy has been a joke for the better part of his career. And while he did do some brilliant journalism years ago, it is too long ago for any network to justify having him on their staff. His stunt involving being a bit too generous with his viewers in terms of troop position and movement just confirms that stroking his own ego is his one and only priority. Why the Pentagon didn’t boot his ass back to the US within hours is a mystery to me. Instead we had a couple of days of conflicting stories out of Iraq over whether or not he had been asked to leave. Quite frankly, if I was one of the soldiers whose location and safety had possibly been compromised by Rivera’s grandstanding, I doubt I would be too confident in the leadership abilities of my bosses in Washington after the way they waffled on what should have been such an easy call. For his part, Rivera first denied reports that he was being booted by the military instead blaming reports on “rats” from his old network (presumably referring to NBC). Way to go Geraldo, you were a class act right to the end. As for Fox News, who clearly should sever ties with Rivera, it was interesting to check out their website as this story was developing. The story about Peter Arnett being fired by one of their competitors was one of the headlines on their main page, yet strangely enough their own dipstick’s jump into the hot water was nowhere to be found. Got to love that fair and balanced reporting Fox. Barbara Walters
A couple of weeks ago I happened to catch the opening few minutes of The View when Barbara Walters and her cohorts discuss the top stories of the day. Not surprisingly, Peter Arnett and Geraldo Rivera ‘s names came up since it was just days after Arnett was fired NBC, and Geraldo was still waiting to see if he would be bounced from Iraq. Even less surprising was the fact that Arnett’s termination and the suggestion that the same thing should happen to Rivera got generous amounts of applause from the audience. But one thing did surprise me. In discussing Arnett’s interview, Barbara Walters questioned why he would grant an interview to “the enemy”. Maybe I missed a little something along the way, but I’ve always thought that journalists at least try to be balanced and impartial. By throwing terms around like “enemy”, it seems that at least part of Ms. Walters’ impartiality has been compromised. While I understand that she is American and therefore very likely privately supports the American troops, that one slip of the tongue on her part could make someone question her impartiality down the road if she finds herself reporting on a particular sensitive issue involving Iraq.

Rants - Dawson’s Creek

2003-04-15T18:09:00.000-03:00

I was under the weather one day last week, but it ended up turning out to be a good thing for me. By sheer coincidence, I was flipping by TBS and discovered on that very morning that they were going to begin re-running Dawson’s Creek. While the later seasons of the show have been nothing but another nighttime soap opera, the first couple of seasons were a whole other matter. Watching the first four episodes of the series again made me remember just how brilliant the writing was during that first season. Sure the cast used a few too many big words, but a show where characters have an actual vocabulary has always been a plus in my books. And sure, Dawson was too uptight for his own good, although I would have to admit to seeing a little bit of myself in him. But the perfect casting and the smart dialogue always transcended any problems the show had. And, I’ll admit it, Katie Holmes as the girl every guy only wishes that he had living next door to him helped make the show for me. It’s no surprise to me that as the show is airing the end of its run on The WB that she is the one with the most solid film career out of her talented co-workers. Sadly, the show lost most of its luster for me in the seasons that followed, a fact that I attribute mostly to the fact that the show’s creator, Kevin Williamson, moved on to other projects. He was the creative genius that made those early episodes so special. I stopped watching somewhere around the third season I think. The fact that the show became more and more like every other teen drama on TV diminished my interest in it. I’ll no doubt try to watch the later episodes of the show that I skipped now that it is readily available in rerun form. But even if they are no better this time around than they were originally, I will still have that opening season to look forward too again and again. For me, it stands as possibly one of the best single seasons of any show on television. No doubt I’ll tune in to the final few episodes that air on The WB in the coming weeks to watch the show’s finale. And no doubt I’ll be a little sad to see it go, even if I haven’t been a regular or even semi-regular viewer in the last couple of years. Although I suspect I would be a little sadder had the quality of the show from season one been maintained throughout the entire run. At the very least, I’m confident that the final episode will be a memorable one since Kevin Williamson will return to pen one last script for the show that he created.

Rants - Running Behind Again

2003-04-15T17:59:00.000-03:00

I’m running a way behind in posting blog comments, but I have been jotting down notes, so here are some random thoughts about things that have occurred over the past weeks. Today Exclusive
So on in the days following the rescue of Elizabeth Smart, NBC’s Today show aired an “exclusive” interview with former hostage Patricia Hearst. They made a point to have a big “Today Exclusive” banner prominently displayed during the interview. My beef is that either the definition of the word exclusive has somehow changed or NBC takes its viewers for idiots. Because I could have sworn that just the night before Ms. Hearst had done an interview with CNN’s Larry King on the same topic. In fact, the questions on Today were so damn similar to the ones King had asked the previous night that they sounded as if some Today producer had just copied down the questions while watching King’s show and decided to recycle them. Latoya Jackson
You know a show is desperate for a co-host when they bring in LaToya Jackson. That’s just what The View did a couple of weeks ago. I’m not sure what the hell they were expecting when they decided to put this air-headed bimbo on live TV for an hour. Actually I doubt they were thinking. This girl makes Anna Nicole Smith look bright. But then again, how could The View have known that? It’s not like there have been countless reports about her wacky behavior over the last decade. Oh wait, yes there have. In the grand scale of things, she is just slightly below her brother Michael on the freak meter. Martin Sheen
It appears that the Visa ad featuring Martin Sheen and his son Charlie in a video store is no longer airing. Visa says that the ad had run its course. Some question the timing since the ad was pulled as war in Iraq was becoming immanent. Is it just coincidental that the ad featuring the very anti-war Sheen ran its course at the same time war was about to break out? Who knows, but Visa would be making a huge mistake not to bring the ad backing the future, it was about the best ad that they’ve had since Jerry Seinfeld stopped doing commercials for them.

Rants - Survivor: The Amazon

2003-02-21T18:16:00.000-04:00

I’m curious if I’m the only one who thinks that the all female tribe on the latest version of Survivor is going to quickly devolve into a raging bitchfest. The claws are obviously coming out quickly around camp estrogen. And what exactly was the deal with the granola bar they found in the camp? I get the point of disposing of it. But the fact that none of them would pick it up and instead chose to move it around impaled on the tip of a machete was as bizarre as you can get on network TV. Hey ladies, it wasn’t a big mean spider, it was processed food. I doubt it was going to bite you. I’m not even going to bother to get into JoAnna (the wacky one who doesn’t like the immunity idol) going off on Christy (the deaf one) after Christy states the obvious – that JoAnna is a wackjob. OK, she didn’t put it in quite that way, but she should have. And just so I don’t come off as being completely sexist here, the guys aren’t all that great either. Sure these bozos did manage to get a shelter up, but these arrogant clowns are still in desperate need of being knocked down a few pegs, even after getting their pathetic butts whipped by the women last week. Oh yeah, and kudos to CBS for their promo of next week’s episode. That’s right kids; the women decide to get together in the river and get naked. Sure, they are washing, but who really cares if the purpose of the nudity is legitimate or not? And of course the network features prominent shots of ample breasts, with the good parts censored for TV. Note that it was just the hot ones who were getting the close-ups. It’s nice to see that someone at the network is finally acknowledging the fact that many of their contestants are selected based on looks rather than any real ability they might have to compete in this game. Or maybe they are just so thrilled that they still have Jenna and Heidi (the particularly attractive ones who I’m sure will be getting calls from Playboy any day now) in the game at this point and are going to capitalize off of their presence for as long as they can. Hmm, I wonder if a Survivor: Uncensored DVD might not be arriving soon at a video store near you.

Rants - Oscar Nominations

2003-02-12T18:14:00.000-04:00

Am I the only one who thinks that more than 5 people going to see a film in a theater seems to disqualify it from Oscar contention? Sure, commercially successful films get a few token nominations, but for the most part Oscar nominations always seem to be dominated by films that normal people have never even heard of, let alone gone to see. That having been said, why is the Oscar broadcast so darn popular? If you haven’t seen any of these movies, and the box office numbers make it pretty clear that nobody has, why watch a 4-hour broadcast honoring movies that you didn’t care enough to buy a ticket for? It’s a question I ask myself every year as I sit watching the awards being handed out to movies that I have never seen. Maybe if we all stopped tuning in to the broadcast somebody might get the message that it may be time to start honoring more mainstream movies.

Rants - Boston Public

2003-02-12T18:08:00.000-04:00

It was another brilliant move by David E. Kelley on this week’s episode of Boston Public. Apparently Kelley has decided to write out series semi-regular Michelle Monaghan, who played one of the teacher’s at his fictional Boston High School. Wow Dave, another brilliant move. Monaghan was one of the few interesting characters left on that show. Unless Kelley brightens up quickly, Boston Public is soon going to become as unwatchable as The Practice. Here’s hoping Monaghan resurfaces quickly on a show with a more talented writing staff. But all is not lost, at least Kelley has gone a couple of weeks without indulging in his little obsession of trashing the Catholic Church, I guess he feels he can get out all of his Catholic hatred on The Practice. I’m not sure what his issues are, but he really should look into getting some help.

Rants - News Coverage

2003-02-12T18:02:00.000-04:00

I’m straying a little off the world on entertainment with this post. I’ve been watching the news coverage of potential terrorist threats that may be occurring in the coming days. I keep seeing all this coverage of potential targets and it puzzles me a little bit. Am I the only one out there that thinks that the terrorists watch the news? Doesn’t it make sense that a terrorist watching these news broadcasts may target a different location after seeing that their primary target is now being broadcast to the world? Wouldn’t it make more sense for the government to stop sharing this information with the media? It may just make it easier to catch some of these guys in the act. It certainly is preferable to having them target an alternate location that nobody is expecting. Sure, maybe the information that government is leaking to the press is purposely incorrect and designed to screw up terrorist plots, but after the way government agencies screwed up on 9/11, I have my doubts.

Rants - More Trailer Rants

2003-02-04T18:13:00.000-04:00

Here’s my lukewarm thanks to Columbia for making the trailer to Bad Boys II in an easy-to-download zip format. It’s nice to see that at least one Hollywood studio is trying to make life easier for the fans. Sadly, even when Hollywood tries to be more fan-friendly, they screw it up. The QuickTime movie that you download has a nasty little piece of code in it that launches your web browser at the end of the trailer and directs you to the Bad Boys website whether you want to go or not. I’m sure the suits at the studio would claim that they did this for the convenience of fans. I, on the other hand, have a different take. If you ask me, this isn’t a hell of a lot different than the tactics used by those who embed viruses in multimedia files. Good going Columbia, you’ve graduated to the ranks of the script kiddies. While Columbia at least makes a half-assed effort, Warner Brothers doesn’t even attempt to be as fan-friendly. Two of their latest trailer releases, Gods And Generals (not like anybody would care if they saw that trailer anyway) and Terminator 3 aren’t available to be saved for later viewing off-line. What’s worse, if you want to see the full screen version of the T3 trailer, you will have to go through the hassle of upgrading to QuickTime 6. Get a clue Warner, making life so difficult for those that want to see what are essentially commercials for your movies is not a smart business plan. I’ve said this before, and I’m sure I will still be saying it years from now, but… I get that Hollywood is a little freaked about the prospect of illegal distribution of entire movies on the internet, but stopping the distribution of trailers is just insane. Marketing 101 – the more people that see these trailers, the more people that are likely going to go see the movie. Conversely, make movie fans jump through hoops to see the trailers, and they are likely going to say screw it, and not bother. A sentiment which they may still have in their heads when it comes time to plunk down their cash to see the movie in a theater. The execs at Warner might want to take a cue from their sister company New Line, which made the trailers for the latest Lord Of The Rings movie easily accessible to fans, including giving them the option of downloading a zip file. If you ask me, that gesture probably didn’t hurt The Two Towers when it raked in truckloads of cash. As a side note, Paramount made it damn difficult to download the full screen version of the Star Trek: Nemesis trailer and that movie could end up being the biggest bomb of the Star Trek series. Sure, the movie stunk up the theater, but had Paramount been slightly less draconian with fans, they may have been more inclined to support the movie. Maybe not, but I know I’m less inclined to shell out money for a movie when I’ve been treated poorly by those making it.

Rants - Catching Up

2002-11-25T18:19:00.000-04:00

I’m a little behind on my reviews. Over the past month or so I’ve seen more than my fair share of movies. Some were great; some stunk. Hopefully over the next week or so I will be able to post reviews for most of them.

Rants - Trailers

2002-10-07T18:01:00.000-03:00

Belated kudos going out to the folks at New Line for the way they handled the posting of the next Lord Of The Rings trailer on the net. Unlike so many in Hollywood (this means you Paramount), it is clear that New Line seems to get how their audience uses the Internet. It’s nice to see that unlike Paramount, New Line doesn’t have a problem with fans downloading a copy of their trailers for further viewing. Or maybe New Line just has a brighter staff than Paramount, and they realize that if a trailer gets seen by more people it will likely mean a bigger haul at the box office for that movie. Hope the bozos at Paramount responsible for the latest Star Trek trailer wake up soon and smell that pot of coffee.

Rants - Even More Thoughts On The New TV season…

2002-10-07T17:55:00.000-03:00

Boomtown – I thought it was overrated in week 1, and last night’s second episode barely kept my interest during a good portion of the show. Firefly – Only caught last half, but what I did see was better than last week’s episode. And the humor of the ending was reminiscent of an early Buffy episode. John Doe – Lost interest in Friday’s show pretty quickly. Law & Order: Special Victim’s Unit – Is one of those shows that is worth watching if there is nothing better on. This week’s episode was one of their better ones in a while. I guess I’ve always been a bit disappointed in this show because even from the beginning it has never measured up to the original Law & Order.

Rants - More Thoughts On The New TV Season…

2002-10-04T18:12:00.000-03:00

JAG – Week two was an improvement over the season opener. At least there were no Touched By An Angel elements this week. West Wing – Is there ever really a bad episode of this show? Law & Order – It is hard to believe that this show has been on the air well over a decade. The season opener was as entertaining as anything this show has done in the past decade. Too bad that Law & Order’s two spin-offs aren’t even half as entertaining as the original. Survivor – Week three brought a little more conflict and a little less predictability. Maybe this show still has some more life left in it. ER – Popular’s Leslie Bibb started her guest run on the show last night. Too bad she had all of about 3 minutes of screen time. It likely would have made an improvement to the show. Noah Wyle is a good actor, but am I the only one who thinks they are going to have to bring in another strong lead if they ever want to fill the vacated shoes of Anthony Edwards and George Clooney?

Rants - The New TV Season

2002-10-01T17:59:00.000-03:00

Here are just a few random thoughts on my impressions of the new TV season so far. RETURNING SHOWS West Wing – I forgot how much I missed it. If last week’s two hour season premiere was any indication, West Wing will continue to be the best show on television. ER – Severing a character’s arm. Is that the best they can do? Apparently the writers are so short on ideas that they have to resort to shock value. Newsflash to NBC - cable shows are gaining in the ratings not just because they are shocking. It is because in addition to the shock value they are very well written. If slicing Dr. Romano’s arm off is the best they have to offer, I might be looking elsewhere on the TV dial this year on Thursday nights. By the way, I wasn’t impressed when JAG pulled a similar stunt on their season finale last year; ER’s rip-off of it didn’t make it any better. JAG – Speaking of JAG, it went out on a very low note last year by blowing off a character’s leg. Yeah, I know they are trying to realistically depict war. Call me a prude, but since the show airs at 8pm when kids are likely to be watching, there was absolutely no need of them being that graphic. In fact, I was so annoyed that I almost skipped last week’s season premiere. I almost wish I had. In it we had one-legged Bud fighting for his life after getting his leg blown off by a land mine. Then the poor bugger dies on the operating table, only to magically come back to life when his young son makes some sort of psychic connection with him from thousands of miles away. Huh? By the end of the hour I wasn’t sure whether I was watching JAG or Touched By An Angel. Either way, the last two episodes of JAG have ended on sour notes. Hope they can turn things around. Third Watch – This is a show that I had all but given up on last year. But I did catch a rerun of the season finale a couple of weeks ago and decided to catch the season opening. The show has improved since I stopped watching, and is on par with its first season. It’s far from the best show on TV, but it is one of the better things on Monday nights. Survivor – I began to lose interest in this one last year. The first episode of the new season didn’t do much to reverse that trend. The show is going out of its way to be unpredictable. But all it really is doing is becoming more predictable in that the audience is now expecting the curve balls and anticipating them before they happen. Actually, I’m almost inclined to call the show deceptive. In the promotions for the show, it was billed as a male tribe versus a female tribe. Anyone who watched the show knows that lasted a good five minutes. I guess when you have stopped being able to come up with good ideas to surprise the audience, you can always just try deceptive promotions. The Sopranos – The new season has been disappointing so far. Boring is actually a better word. NEW SHOWS CSI Miami – I enjoyed the preview of this show during an episode of CSI last year, but I’ll have to admit that I was saddened to hear that they felt the need to start meddling with the show before it even hit the air. As soon as I found out that Kim Delaney had been added to the cast, my interest in seeing the show dropped considerably. She didn’t disappoint. She isn’t an asset to the show. And why exactly does David Caruso always have to play these overly intense characters? Try something different already man. At any rate, the first episode wasn’t bad, but I lost interest in last night’s second episode about half way through the show. I’ll likely tune in again next week, but if it doesn’t improve, that’s it for me. Firefly – Not bad, but not anywhere near what I would have expected of a show created by Buffy The Vampire Slayer’s Joss Whedon. The quality was such in the first episode that I only bothered to catch the last few minutes of the second episode, and I don’t think I missed much. John Doe – I liked this show a lot more than I thought I would. Good premise. The first two episodes have kept my interest. Time will tell if a show about a guy who knows everything but his own name will have any legs. OTHER SHOWS These aren’t new shows but I have just started tuning in recently, as they have finally made their way to Canada. The Shield - I have to say that The Shield exhibits the same kind of quality that was found in the first couple of seasons of The Sopranos. It’s also nice to see Michael Chiklis back on TV. The Osbournes - While The Osbournes have been airing for a while here in Canada, it is only recently that they have been airing uncut (without bleeps). Having never seen the bleeped versions, I can’t imagine how they would be anywhere near as entertaining as Ozzy uncut.

Rants - And While I’m At It…

2002-10-01T17:58:00.000-03:00

Speaking of QuickTime, specifically Paramount’s new trailer for Star Trek: Nemesis, why exactly can’t you save the full screen version? It’s bad enough that Apple makes you fork over $29.99 just for the privilege of being able to save a file, but then we can only save “certain” files. Yeah, I know QuickTime Pro gives you more stuff than that, but most people just want to be able to save movies, and could care less about the rest of the included features. What gives? Why exactly does Paramount not want people to be able to save the full screen version of the trailer, but will let them save the smaller versions of the trailer. Are they afraid that people might distribute the trailer to others on the net and give the movie too much publicity? Is that it Paramount? After all, trailers are really just advertisements for upcoming movies, and God forbid that advertisement got seen by too many people. Why exactly wouldn’t Paramount want the trailer distributed around the net? It’s cheap free publicity. Why do they want to send everyone to the Apple site to download the trailer? It’s not like bandwidth is free. If the trailer were being traded on services like Kazaa it would not only reach a larger audience, but would save Paramount a few bucks in bandwidth costs. I’ll tell you why. Control. Hollywood is so hell bent on not losing control of their content that they have lost sight of the bigger picture. Sorry to break this to you Paramount, but people trading your movie trailer is not going to automatically lead to rampant file trading of the whole movie. But it might actually get more butts into theaters when the movie is finally released. Oh, and by the way, when someone has just forked over $29.99 for QuickTime Pro and they realize out of 20 trailers that they try to watch, only one won’t let them save the file, they tend to get a little annoyed at the studio that released that trailer. I tried to download and save the full screen version of Star Trek: Nemesis because I was looking forward to the movie coming out. Had I been able to easily save the trailer to watch again, it may have even built up my anticipation for the film. But as it is, I am left with a sour taste in my mouth. While my butt may very well be sitting in a theater on Star Trek’s opening weekend, it is far less certain that the theater containing me and my butt will be showing Star Trek. Good one Paramount.

Rants - Thanks Apple

2002-10-01T17:57:00.000-03:00

Just wanted to extend my thanks to the morons over at Apple computer’s QuickTime division. On the weekend I made the mistake of trying to download the full screen version of the new Star Trek: Nemesis trailer from Apple’s QuickTime Trailer site. Unfortunately, little did I know that Apple's wondrous QuickTime 6 was going to feel the need to change the display settings on my computer and in the process break the display driver. Good one Apple. More thanks to the bozos at HP (who built my computer) for the appalling lack of technical documentation about my machine at their new and improved web site. I wasn't even expecting to be able to get the driver from them, but a little heads up as to what type of video cards they put in their systems would have been nice. Anyway, I muddled through and located the model of my machine's ATI video card. More loving thanks to them for the blistering 2 K/s download speeds that I got from their support site. I've haven't seen a 1.5 Meg file take so long to download since my dial-up days. Odd though, the rest of ATI's site was plenty fast (you know, the parts that are geared towards selling product). I guess you don't count as much after you have already forked over your cash. But at least HP and ATI have should give Apple some comfort in knowing that they aren't the only incompetent high tech firm out there. Needless to say, my next machine will be a Gateway, with an nVidia graphics card running Windows Media Player.

Rants - Blogging

2002-08-19T18:06:00.000-03:00

OK, this post has nothing to do with movies. I just want to say how much I am enjoying using Blogger. I had thought about using a blog for quite awhile now, since everyone has been raving about the ease of use. Dreamweaver is a wonderful program, but even it doesn’t come close to the convenience of blogging. Also, I was starting to feel left out on the Internet. It seemed like I was the only guy on the planet who didn’t have a blog. But what has been holding me back is the rather limited choices out there. LiveJournal looks like it might be fairly easy to use, but the fact that you have to pester existing users for an invite to start using the service is just annoying. I realize that the LiveJournal folks have their reasons for doing this. But my guess is that whatever benefit they may be deriving from limiting how quickly their service grows, is badly outweighed by the number of people who go away from their service annoyed at the fact that their community is run like a little clique. That’s no reflection on those who use the service, I’m just not inclined to have to suck up to complete strangers so I can get some free hosting. I also looked at Moveable Type. This seems to be the ultimate piece of software for all of the serious bloggers out there. I guess MT is so popular because it is so highly configurable. The people at TechTV, to whom I look to for all things computer, seem to be using MT for many of their personal blogs, and they are all very impressive looking. Check out Leo Laporte’s or Chris Pirillo’s blogs for what you can do with a little effort with Movable Type. Some TechTV folks, like Morgan Webb and Megan Morrone, are using LiveJournal, which also seems to be pretty configurable. But I suspect TV personalities don’t have to work real hard to get an invite to use the service. Nor would it hurt their chances that they are able to publicize LJ on the air. The problem with MT is that it is a royal pain in the butt to set up and configure. Maybe it is a breeze to use once set up correctly, but it is like banging your head against the wall to get it to that point. And I might add that I don’t consider myself a web design newbie by any means, I was hand coding my first web site in 1996. As an example of my complaint, I downloaded and started trying to install MT on Saturday afternoon. By around Sunday evening, after many painful hours, I finally gave up without any success and started looking for another alternative, in the hopes that I could find something to help me avoid having to try again to get MT working. I’m not sure why I never noticed Blogger up to that point, TechTV’s Chris Pirillo recommends it. (Although he uses MT for his own site, which suggests to me that there has to be some serious benefits to that product.) I usually make a point to check out what the folks at TechTV are talking about, since they generally know their stuff inside and out. Regardless, within about 15-20 minutes, I had Blogger set up and ready to roll. Within the next couple of hours I had also managed to track down my third party comments generator, tweak the layout to my blog more to my liking (still a few more improvements to make, by the way), and post my first entry. This is my third entry into this blog in under a day, and I have no doubt that I would still be struggling with Movable Type if I hadn’t found Blogger. Please don’t take this as a rant against MT, because considering its positive reviews, I’m certain that the struggle to install it would be worth it. In fact I will probably continue to play with it until I get it working. Although given that I see no real limitations with Blogger, I have serious doubts that I will be making the transition if, or when, I get it working. I guess for me, the allure of blogging is that it is supposed to make publishing to the Internet a whole lot more easy. But when setting up the tools are so difficult (or demeaning, in the case of LiveJournal), they are creating even more barriers than they are bringing down.

Rants - Welcome

2002-08-18T18:16:00.000-03:00

Welcome to The Rant. Unlike most blogs, this one is going to focus more on my warped view of the world, rather than the trivial minutia of my daily life. So no posts about what I ate for breakfast.

Review - The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

2000-02-20T16:32:00.000-04:00

Starring - Bruce Willis; Matthew Perry; Rosanna Arquette; Michael Clarke Duncan & Natasha Henstridge Director - Jonathan Lynn MPAA - Rated R for some sexuality/nudity and violence. The whole Nine Yards is one of those movies that may very well have had a good idea at its core in some past incarnation. But after the dumb slapstick jokes and bad acting were added, really didn't measure up. Matthew Perry plays a dentist living in Canada with his obnoxious wife (Rosanna Arquette). He leads a pretty miserable existence, and it gets worse when a former mob hit man, Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis) moves in next door. After that things go right downhill. Perry's character gets embroiled in a plot where it seems that everybody is out to get everybody else. The players involved range from Jimmy's ex-wife (Natasha Henstridge), to a mod boss with a grudge against Jimmy (Kevin Pollak), a fellow hit man (Michael Clarke Duncan), and Perry's dental assistant (Amanda Peet). The story is fairly clever. Sadly, the dark comedy is interspersed with really bad slapstick moments which not only fall flat, but are totally misplaced in this sort of film. Then we have the acting. Willis isn't bad, his sly charm does seem to fit in well with the character that he is playing, but he just doesn't have much to work with. At times, Perry is almost embarrassing to watch he is so unfunny. But for most of the movie, his performance is passable. Michael Clarke Duncan is reunited with his Armageddon co-star, Willis. It is obvious that this film was made before Clarke realized his full acting potential in The Green Mile, since his hit man character is nothing more than a caricature of your typical big affable black guy. Amanda Peet is easily the high point of this movie (and not just because she has an extended topless scene -- although that helped.) When Peet is good, she is very good. Unfortunately her character goes from relatively normal to completely ditzy seemingly at random. Natasha Henstridge is good, but her character was fairly limited. She basically just stands around looking good. Then we have the accent people. Kevin Pollak's annoyed mob boss has this god-awful Jersey accent. I wasn't quite sure at first if Pollak was playing the accent for laughs or if he was a far worse actor than I thought he was. I'll assume that it was for laughs. Then we have Rosanna Arquette as Perry's French wife. If her French accent was for laughs, I missed it. It was easily the worst accent, or performance for that matter, in the film. How this woman still gets parts now that she can't strip in every movie is completely beyond me. Willis' character was basically a hit man version of his Moonlighting character. My advice is to rent Die Hard for a good Willis movie. Perry should really stick to TV. Amanda Peet on the other hand, will easily be able to use her TV show, Jack & Jill, and this fairly bad movie as a springboard to bigger and better things. The best part about The Whole Nine Yards was that Amanda Peet got topless. The worst part, other than Rosanna Arquette, was that Natasha Henstridge didn't. 4/10 - Which might be a bit generous; although, Ms. Peet's breasts rate a 10/10 in my books.

Review - The World Is Not Enough (1999)

1999-11-19T16:34:00.000-04:00

Starring - Pierce Brosnan; Sophie Marceau; Robert Carlyle; Denise Richards & Robbie Coltrane Director - Michael Apted MPAA - Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of action violence, some sexuality and innuendo. Let me start off by saying that leading up to the release of the latest Bond film, I really wasn't looking forward to it as much as I have with some of the previous films. I'm not sure if it was the fairly lackluster trailers or the ever-present dread that the next film will fall back into the miserable ways of the Timothy Dalton years. I'm happy to report that any doubts were erased after about the first 10 minutes of the film. By that point, it was evident that Mr. Bond was back with a vengeance. All doubts would have probably been erased sooner except for the fact that the first ten minutes of the film weren't exactly a pleasant experience. It seems that nobody told the geniuses working at the theater that the house lights are supposed to be turned off when the movie starts. It took a reminder from an audience member to clue them in. I guess they can be excused though, taking tickets and cleaning up popcorn between shows is extremely taxing on the brain. Anyway, after somebody remembered what the light switch was for, I settled in for Bond. I think the most noticeable aspect of this, the 19th film in the series, is that it really goes back to the almost tongue in cheek style of the Roger Moore films. There were probably more one-liners in this movie than in the last several combined. And Bond's last one-liner in the film is about the best of the series. The World Is Not Enough also contained perhaps the most action of any movie of the series. Everything from wild boat chases to the usual assortment of cool Bond gadgets trotted out just when there seems to be no way out for 007. For the most part, the action sequences worked very well. Although, there were a couple of times that I thought some things were a bit over the top, even for a Bond film. I think some of the blame can be laid at the feet of director Michael Apted. While he did a good job for the most part, there were points in the movie, specifically during action sequences, where he seemed to loose site of the fact that he was making essentially an action film. Most noticeably sequences on a snow covered mountain and one involving Bond getting through a closing door looked like Apted thought he was filming some sort of high brow art movie. He almost seemed like he didn't know what he was doing. But they were brief scenes and really shouldn't take away from the otherwise solid job that Apted did in directing. If you have ever seen a Bond film, you won't be shocked to learn that plot has never been their strong suit. The World Is Not Enough is no exception. This time we have yet another over villain that Bond has to stop for the good of the world. 007 matches wits with the terrorist Renard (Robert Carlyle), a man who has a bullet lodged in his brain that makes him impervious to pain. Why this point is included is beyond me. They took great pains to explain his condition, but it only came up later in the movie as a scene that can only be described as looking like an afterthought. Anyway, Renard, like the typical terrorist that he is, is bent on some harebrained scheme involving a mid-east oil pipeline. I guess world domination just isn't as attractive to terrorists as a money-making venture anymore. Bond is brought in to protect the pipeline's owner, Elektra King (Sophie Marceau), who is the daughter of one of Renard's recent victims. Along the way, Bond has to enlist the help of a nuclear scientist, Dr. Christmas Jones (Denise Richards), and his old rival Valentin Zukovsky (Robert Carlyle). Like all Bond films, you basically just have to suspend disbelief over the plot, since it is ridiculous beyond words. My biggest complaint would be that it was about the most disjointed of any of the Bond films. There was at least one point that I had to stop and try to remember why Bond was where he was and why he was doing what he was doing. The buddy that I saw the movie with was completely confused over an earlier kidnapping of Marceau's character. It was alluded to earlier in the movie briefly -- although not included in the film. Later, it became a big part of the story and left him with the distinct feeling that he had missed something. But because it is a Bond film, the beautiful women and nifty gadgets seem to make you forget about script problems quite quickly. After all, it isn't Shakespeare. How about the cast? Brosnan seems to get better with each of his appearances as 007. I grew up with the Roger Moore version of Bond, so I really enjoyed the lighter style that Brosnan brings to the character. Judi Dench, as M, had a bigger role in this film than in her two previous appearances in the role. She brought the talent with her that one would expect from an Oscar winner. Robbie Coltrane was easily one of the best parts in Goldeneye, so it was nice to see his Russian mobster character revived in this movie. Coltrane gets more screen time, which simply leads to him stealing even more scenes. Then there are the Bond girls. Sophie Marceau might be one of the most beautiful actresses working today. There is just something about her breathtaking eyes that makes her a natural to play the innocent victim. Those that saw her in Braveheart know she is more than just a pretty face. Marceau may be the most talented actress to ever play a Bond love interest. Then we have Denise Richards. There was no doubt in my mind that she was cast exclusively for her looks. And after you see the outfits she wears, you won't have any trouble guessing what part of her anatomy caught the producer's eyes. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she really did a good job playing a nuclear scientist. Admittedly, there was one point that the audience snickered a bit at one of her technical lines of dialogue, but other than that she stacks up (no pun intended) to her Bond girl predecessors nicely. I must say that the biggest disappointment was Robert Carlyle's character. While Carlyle did a fine job with the material that he had, his character just never worked for me. The producers tried very hard to add more complexity to his character, but it just never quite got off the ground. I guess I was hoping for a bit more regarding the whole impervious to pain aspect of his character, but the writers decided to play up the emotional side of his character. This might have worked well in another movie, but I don't go to see Bond movies for their deep characterizations. Last, but not least, we have Desmond Llewelyn as Q. This is the 17th appearance for Llewelyn as Bond's gadget guy, and he is as good as ever. Although his screen time has grown far more limited in the past few films, he is still a treat to watch. Rumors abound that this may be his last appearance in the role. He says future appearances are up to a higher power. The producers have introduced his protégé and future replacement, a bumbling and somewhat pompous character played by comedy master John Cleese. While we don't see much of him in this film, I think it is fair to say that Desmond Llewelyn's legacy, whenever it is passed on, will be in very capable hands. So how does it stack up? Despite some problems, The World Is Not Enough is a very entertaining movie. And, all things considered, what problems it does have are small compared to some that have plagued earlier Bond movies. This is easily the best of the Brosnan films. It may even be the best of the entire series, certainly in the top 3. One thing is for sure, even after 19 movies, there is still plenty of life left in the James Bond series. Here's looking forward to Bond number 20. 8/10

Review - Bats (1999)

1999-10-25T18:43:00.000-03:00

Starring - Lou Diamond Phillips; Dina Meyer; Bob Gunton; Leon & Carlos Jacob Director - Louis Morneau MPAA - Rated R for some graphic, bloody bat attacks. Bats isn't exactly a bad horror film if you approach it with the attitude that you aren't about to see anything that you probably haven't already seen a hundred times in other horror films. It has the usual predictable plot and dialogue, along with the usual population of stupid horror film characters. About the only real scary part of this movie is the direction. How Louis Morneau ever got a job directing a film, even a b-grade one like this, is completely beyond my scope of comprehension. At first, the direction was what I would generously call interesting, but it rapidly deteriorated into something worthy of the result that you would get if you gave a monkey on speed a Handycam and set him loose. Every time there was some sort of dramatic bat attack -- which was fairly frequent if you haven't already gleaned that from the title -- the camera would go off on some sort of hyped up whirlwind trip of herky jerky motion. Now the more forgiving in the audience may have attributed this fact to trying to cut down on the gore. Maybe it could even be called a compensation for poor special effects, but I tend to think it was just a director who didn't have a clue what the hell he was doing. As for the story, it revolves around a small Texas town that is having a little bat problem. Apparently, genetically enhanced flying foxes have escaped from a nearby research lab and have infected the entire bat population in the area. We never quite get an explanation how the other bats are infected or how this infection seems to increase them to double their original size. But you really didn't expect a horror film to make perfect sense did you? It comes down to the beautiful bat expert (Dina Meyer), who teams up with the local sheriff, (Lou Diamond Phillips) to try to rid the town of its bat problem. And just to add to the tension -- as if the cheesy dialogue and plot weren't enough -- they have only a limited time to stop the bats before the military intervenes by bombing the whole area to kingdom come to stop the spread of the nasty winged creatures. The dialogue in the movie goes something like this. Phillips and Meyer are lifting some crates. She tells him to lift with his legs. He remarks that if his legs looked as good as hers that he would use them more often. While I can't disagree with the sentiment, I have to wonder if some horny junior high student wasn't responsible for some of these winning lines. Meyer and Phillips are actually two pretty good actors. The problem for each of them has always seemed to be poor career decisions. Phillips has proven his talent in films like Courage Under Fire. Meyer is best known for her work in Starship Troopers, where she was undoubtedly cast as much for her willingness to go topless as anything else. I have no doubt that Meyer, given the right role, would hold up admirably -- this isn't that role. The dialogue and situations aren't quite bad enough as to be embarrassing for the actors, but they come pretty damn close. I'm still trying to figure out why the army was going to blow up half of Texas. I'm sure it was explained, but I was too busy checking out Meyer's ass -- by far the best part of the movie. I'm not even going to get into the holes in the plot wide enough to drive a convoy through, or the music that sounded like it was being played by a drunk using a broken keyboard. Let's just suffice to say that the cleverest part of this movie was the poster. Do yourself a favor. Wait for this one to come out on video. Better yet, save yourself a couple of bucks and wait for it to show up on cable. 5/10

Review - Deep Blue Sea (1999)

1999-08-05T16:31:00.000-03:00

Starring - Thomas Jane; Saffron Burrows; LL Cool J; Michael Rapaport & Stellan Skarsgard Director - Renny Harlin MPAA - Rated R for graphic shark attacks, and for language. Let me first start out by saying that Steven Spielberg made the greatest shark film ever made with Jaws. But Renny Harlin has come in a very, very, very close second with Deep Blue Sea. Deep Blue Sea is easily the best new movie that I have seen this year, and is far and away the best of the crop from the summer of '99. Sure, The Phantom Menace was spectacular, but no movie has been this much fun in a long time. I can honestly say that do not remember ever having jumped so much during a film. When I was not jumping in my seat, my hands were firmly grasping the armrests steeling myself for the next scare that I knew was going to be right around the corner. At one point in his career, director Renny Harlin looked as if he may easily become one of the best directors in the business. His successes included Die Hard 2 and Cliffhanger. In recent years he has faltered, making such fare as Cutthroat Island. Well, Renny is back, and with a vengeance. Saffron Burrows stars as the head of a scientific research team that is trying to develop a cure for Alzheimer's disease; their potential cure involves extracting fluids from the brains of mako sharks. In order to get as much as they can, they have genetically enlarged the size of the shark's brains. You can probably guess where this is headed. Bigger shark brains equal smarter sharks. And these smart sharks have a distinct attitude problem. Burrows and her crew, along with Samuel L. Jackson (playing the man funding their research) are all on board their research lab in the middle of the Pacific during a severe storm. This is when they realize that the sharks are now Einsteins with big teeth. They quickly find out that the sharks are looking for a meal and that they are the main course on the menu. As minor as they are, this movie does have flaws. The writers obviously watched Jaws and its first sequel a few times, since they do seem to "borrow" a few things from those two movies. This tiny lack of creativity can very quickly be excused though. The writers then proceed to apparently borrow a few other things from these films, only to end up throwing the audience for a bit of a loop. Let's be real clear, this is not a real deep movie (if you'll pardon the pun). It is written with scares in mind. And on that count, it delivers beautifully. In many cases, I had a pretty good idea what was going to happen next -- but I didn't care. I was just having too much fun. Of course, part of the fun in these types of movies comes at the first of the movie when you can go through the cast a pick which ones are going to be shark food and which ones are going to return in any potential sequels. Most times the audience can guess pretty accurately. This movie is no exception. Although, I can almost guarantee that nobody is going to be 100% accurate on their predictions. The special effects are excellent. Every bit of what one would expect from a summer popcorn flick like this. The underwater sequences are particularly impressive as are the real stars of the movie -- the three mako sharks. The sharks were done with a combination of live shots, animatronics and live action. For the most part they are all blended fairly seamlessly together. The sets are amazing. This lab is supposed to be an old World War II sub base and it is very cool. I must admit that I'm always a sucker for the old flooded-set movies with everyone running around waist deep in water. This one is particularly well done -- mostly because you are never quite sure what is swimming around under that water. Samuel L. Jackson is always a whole lot of fun to watch, so it should come as no surprise that he is his usual cool self here. Mark my words, English beauty Saffron Burrows is one her way to superstardom. She has a commanding presence on screen and rivaled Jackson's talent in the acting department. Plus, that accent is just so darn sexy. The real surprise is LL Cool J. He has done a pretty decent job in his past films, but he absolutely, unequivocally steals this movie. This guy is great. On top of every other wonderful point of this movie, his scenes were the highlights. The special effects were very plentiful, but I never found myself being overpowered by them. The other thing that surprised me was the noticeable lack of gore in this film. Sure, you have a couple of scenes -- it wouldn't be a killer shark movie without people being eaten -- but the restraint shown on the old blood and guts was commendable. It seems as though everything that Renny Harlin tried in this movie worked. That included a cheesecake shot where Burrows strips down to her skivvies. You almost buy that she is down to her bra and panties because it is integral to the story line and not because Harlin wants to show off her fabulous body. Almost, but not quite. But, if Harlin feels he has to include shots like that, I guess we are just going to have to suffer through them. Oh, the agony. I loved this movie. Everything about it was just plain fun. It was scary, it was fast paced, but above all, it is the kind of movie that makes me remember why I love going to the movies. Go see Deep Blue Sea -- you will not be disappointed. 10/10

Review - Night Of The Creeps (1986)

1999-07-27T16:36:00.000-03:00

Starring - Jason Lively; Steve Marshall; Jill Whitlow; Tom Atkins & Wally Taylor Director - Fred Dekker MPAA - R "What is this, a homicide or a bad b-movie?" That is the prophetic question asked by one of the leads in one of the early scenes of this movie. Let me clear things up for you cupcake, this isn't a bad b-movie, it's a really bad b-movie. So bad, it's almost good. Almost, but not quite. The movie starts off in the 1950's with space aliens sending a botched experiment down to Earth. It is a bunch of slug-like creatures that kill people and take over their bodies. The slugs' first and only victim in the fifties is cryogenically frozen where he is of no danger to anybody. That is, until two loser university students unfreeze him in 1986. He, and the slugs inside him, promptly begin wreaking havoc and turning more co-eds into slug zombies. A slightly crazed cop (Tom Atkins) and the requisite girl with the face of an angel (Jill Whitlow) join these two geeky university students (Jason Lively and Steve Marshall) to do battle with the slugs. It more or less falls on the four of them to make the world safe again from the evil slugs. The acting is bad with a capital B. The story is worse. And the special effects are somewhere between an old rerun of Star Trek and what you see in a home movie. The only saving grace was the requisite tit-shot courtesy of Jill Whitlow. It had absolutely nothing to do with the story -- but I liked it. Actually, it was the high point of the movie for me. Of course, that isn't really saying much. The story moves around in a haphazard fashion, which gives it a leg up on some other horror films. Unlike most movies of this genre, there actually is a story. Not a great one, but it is there. This is one in a long line of movies from the 1980's that were thrown together to capitalize off the success of the Friday The 13th, Halloween and Nightmare On Elm Street movies. You could randomly select a movie out of the horror section of you local video store and probably luck into something just as good if not better. But Night Of The Creeps might make a nice addition to a b-movie horror marathon. Just don't be too upset if you can't find it. You really won't be missing that much. UPDATE: I take great pride in this review because it elicited the first unpleasant email that I ever received from a disgruntled director; and I treasure it to this day. The email was also far more clever that the screenplay of this movie. I will say this for Night Of The Creeps writer / director Fred Dekker; he has gone on to write some pretty good episodes of Enterprise, the latest Star Trek series. So I guess there really is hope that maybe someday all those people in Hollywood who are currently churning out crappy horror movies may produce something watchable too. (February 16, 2004) 3/10 - 2 because it is so bad it's almost good, and 1 for the gratuitous tit shot.

Review - 54 (1998)

1999-07-16T16:16:00.000-03:00

Starring - Ryan Phillippe; Salma Hayek; Neve Campbell; Mike Myers & Sela Ward Director - Mark Christopher MPAA - Rated R for strong sexuality, drug use and language. 54 focuses around the character of Shane O'Shea, played by Ryan Phillippe, and how his life takes a dramatic turn after he becomes an employee of New York's infamous nightclub, Studio 54, during the 1970's. The fictitious story of the Phillippe character is quite weak, but the interesting look at the fact-based events at the club more than made up for the weaknesses of the main character. I actually didn't expect a whole lot going in, so I was very surprised at how good 54 really was. Mike Myers is brilliant as Studio 54's owner, Steve Rubell -- I had to actually remind myself a couple of times that I was watching Myers and not the real Steve Rubell. Salma Hayek and Neve Campbell fans will be disappointed. While both actresses are featured prominently in the ads for the movie, their parts are really nothing more than fairly minor supporting roles. The film's unlikely star, Phillippe (I Know What You Did Last Summer), is not a bad actor, although I'm not sure if he would have been able to carry the movie if it weren't for the 70's atmosphere. It kept my attention most of the time, thereby minimizing the possibility of catching any deficiencies in his performance. Also helping Phillippe was the fact that the entire supporting cast was strong. While Myers and Campbell have limited roles in this film, they do add significantly to it. Hayek isn't bad for the most part, but there are a couple of scenes where she is a bit painful to watch. I have to admit it -- I actually enjoyed listening to all of the 70's disco music. I feel I should be attending some sort of group therapy session after owning up to that. Although I am happy to say that I still think that everybody in the seventies had to be on some serious drugs for them to actually go out in public dressed like they did. I must say that after watching 54, I really wished that the club were still open. It looked like it was a hell of a party. I think 54 captured the reason the club became the hot spot that it was during the late 70's and early 80's. Sure, the fictitious story of Phillippe's character was not great, but just the atmosphere and look of the movie really did make me feel as though I was actually there experiencing the party times at 54 during a more carefree and swinging era. I'm sure another Mike Myers' character, Austin Powers, would have approved. 54 is worth checking out if only for the interesting look into the world of the beautiful people in the 70's. 7/10

Review - Entrapment (1999)

1999-04-30T16:17:00.000-03:00

Starring - Sean Connery; Catherine Zeta-Jones; Ving Rhames; Will Patton & Maury Chaykin Director - Jon Amiel MPAA - Rated PG-13 for some language, sensuality, violence and drug content. First, let me get something off my chest. Over the last few days I have been reading the reviews of Entrapment. All anybody seems to be able to talk about is the romantic pairing between Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones. I'm really beginning to wonder if I saw the same film that these critics did. I didn't think that the age difference was such a big deal, especially not considering the story behind it. This may sound a bit sexist, but here goes. As far as I know, the main audience for an action movie is young males. So it seems perfectly reasonable to me to cast a young, very attractive actress in the leading role. Many of the critics have wondered why an actress closer to Connery's age wasn't cast in the Zeta-Jones role. Some have even suggested Meryl Streep. Streep might be a great actress, but even in her prime, she didn't look half as good as Zeta-Jones. I guarantee you that half the reason that people are flocking to Entrapment is to see Zeta-Jones. Young guys aren't going to spend money to see Meryl Streep in an action film. They certainly aren't going to pay to watch her writhe through the much publicized laser beam shots in which Ms. Zeta-Jones' behind is so prominently displayed. Am I just a sexist pig? Or is it just realistic to think that Hollywood makes movies with the intention of making money. And Catherine Zeta-Jones is going to get a whole lot more people into the theater than an older actress. I'd like to see Angela Landsbury look that good in spandex. And now, our feature presentation - Entrapment is what I like to call a popcorn film. It is your typical big budget summer movie. It is all style and the plot is a fairly simple one. Although, it does manage to throw a few curve balls. The chemistry that Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones had on screen was amazing. Quite frankly, I got so wrapped up watching the two of them that I might not have even noticed if there was no plot at all. He is still one of the top leading men in movies, even though he is almost 70. Zeta-Jones, in addition to her obvious stunningly classic beauty, is one of the most talented actresses that is working in film today. Her beauty gives her a captivating screen presence, but her considerable talent certainly doesn't hurt either. The combination of Connery and Zeta-Jones, plus some of the most stylish direction that I've seen in a while, adds up to one fun film. The supporting cast of Ving Rhames and Will Patton are like icing on a great cake. Entrapment focuses on insurance investigator Gin Baker (Catherine Zeta-Jones). She has set her sights on bringing to justice master thief Robert MacDougall (Sean Connery). In order to catch him, she must first gain his confidence. She does so by pretending to be in need of his services for a very high profile robbery. He agrees, and the two team up to pull off the ultimate heist, using the latest in amazing high-tech devices. Of course, this is Hollywood, so not everything goes quite according to the way we the audience thinks it will. I don't think that I have ever seen a movie in which Sean Connery gave a bad performance. Entrapment doesn't change that. Connery still looks as much at home in the role of action star as he did in 1962, when he first played James Bond, the role that made him a household name. I suppose that it's a bit of an irony that many people who will undoubtedly flock to see this movie may never even have seen some of the original Bond films. Catherine Zeta-Jones made her mark in 1998's The Mask Of Zorro. She held her own against Anthony Hopkins in that film; and she proves that she is more than capable of doing it again in Entrapment. I would go so far as to say that she even outshines Connery in a few scenes. Contrary to popular belief, she didn't just become an overnight success with The Mask Of Zorro. She was an accomplished actress for over a decade before that film was made. Her experience shows with her performance in Entrapment. The Mask Of Zorro might have made her a star, but her performance in Entrapment will ensure that she stays one. Ving Rhames plays a sort of assistant to Connery's thief. He is the man who procures all of the high tech tools of the trade that are used in the spectacular robberies. Will Patton is also present as Zeta-Jones' boss at the insurance company. Both Rhames and Patton were a little under used in my opinion, but both give the solid performances that audiences have come to expect from them. The plot was a bit over the top in places, but it didn't hurt the film. Most of the questionable plot devices led to spectacular stunts or nifty visual effects. So, I for one, wasn't complaining. And the twists and turns of the story line more than made up for any minor weaknesses in my book. Entrapment is a great looking film. And I'm not just talking about Zeta-Jones. Director Jon Amiel makes the most of the exotic scenery that, more often than not, surrounds his cast. The high tech robbery scenes, in addition to being very well filmed, also have that air of believability about them. Even as fantastic as some of them are, I was never left thinking that none of it could possibly happen. Entrapment is a light summer film. The story is a fun one, and I appreciated the extra effort of some of the plot twists in the story. Of course none of these plot twists are designed to make you think real hard -- just keep you guessing a bit. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Entrapment will probably end up as one of my favorite movies of 1999. 9/10

Review - The Faculty (1998)

1999-01-04T16:28:00.000-04:00

Starring - Elijah Wood; Jordana Brewster; Clea Duvall; Laura Harris & Josh Hartnett Director - Robert Rodriguez MPAA - Rated R for violence/gore, strong language, drug use and some nudity. When I went into The Faculty I was expecting a typical teen horror flick. I figured it may be a bit above average considering that Kevin Williamson (Scream, Scream 2) had written the screenplay. My theory was that if Williamson was involved, at the very least this movie was going to be entertaining. Not only was the movie entertaining, but Williamson has proven once again that he is one of the most gifted writers in Hollywood. Add to that Robert Rodriguez' great job in the director's chair and you have the makings of a pretty good film. When you throw in a great young cast, you have a winner. Elijah Wood plays the school whipping post, who works at the school newspaper with the head cheerleader (Jordana Brewster). In the course of looking for leads for a new story, they discover an even bigger one. Their teachers have been taken over by aliens, which are rapidly taking over the rest of the school. It then falls to them and four of their classmates, the only six people left in the school unaffected, to find a way to stop the aliens before they can take over the world. OK, it sounds a little corny, but it actually comes off pretty well. There is never any real point at which you start saying to yourself "As if that would happen". Of course, you have to get by the whole alien invasion thing. After getting passed that, you are home free. In terms of casting, The Faculty is fairly impressive. To make up for the relatively unknown, but extremely talented cast of high school students, the producers decided to cast some familiar faces in the roles of the faculty. They include Robert Patrick (the liquid terminator in Terminator 2), the high school principal is Bebe Neuwirth (Cheers), and the school nurse is Salma Hayek. (I'm betting every guy in that school gets sick at least once a week.) If Salma weren't enough, adding to the babe factor is Famke Janssen (Goldeneye). Among the young cast of students is only a couple of recognizable names, they are Josh Hartnett (who played Jamie Lee Curtis' son in Halloween: H20) and Elijah Wood (Deep Impact). Singer Usher also makes a brief appearance in a small role. Adding some heat to the younger generation are up a coming hotties Jordana Brewster and Laura Harris. I enjoyed the performances of the whole cast. Of course, this is a horror movie and not Shakespeare, so nobody was really stretching their acting talents to the limit. As horror movie casts go, this one was fun to watch. Unlike the early slasher type films of the late seventies and eighties, The Faculty actually had a production budget and it shows. This film wasn't shot on any shoestring budget, nor where the special effects cooked up in somebody's garage. The Faculty lives up to the high production values that were set by Scream a few years ago. So it's no coincidence that Kevin Williamson was involved in both films. Maybe it even raises the bar a bit. Considering that this was a movie about aliens, visual effects are a little more important. It's a great movie. Although, parents should be warned -- The Faculty is not for the kids, even though it seems to be marketed towards them. 8/10

Review - 2 Days In The Valley (1996)

1998-12-21T18:38:00.000-04:00

Starring - Danny Aiello; Greg Cruttwell; Jeff Daniels; Teri Hatcher & Glenne Headly Director - John Herzfeld MPAA - Rated R for violence, sexuality, and language. 2 Days In The Valley is more or less a Pulp Fiction knock off. It basically involves how a bunch of quirky characters in the Los Angeles area end up having their lives become intertwined in some very unusual ways. I'm not going into much greater detail than that, since it would take forever to explain, and quite frankly, I'm not willing to spend any more time on it than the 2 hours that I've already wasted. While it tries very hard to be Pulp Fiction, 2 Days In The Valley falls way short. This is quite a condemnation considering the cast includes Danny Aiello, James Spader and Jeff Daniels. While the story isn't much, and the dialogue and characters rate only marginally better, 2 Days In The Valley does have a couple of bright spots. James Spader's character, while not much better than the rest, is at least fun to watch in a sick sort of way. And we do get to see a nice cat fight between uber babes Teri Hatcher and Charlize Theron (in her first role). You know a movie isn't that good when the highlight is a brawl between two women; even if they are both gorgeous. I will give the writers some credit for the fairly clever ways in which they managed to intersect the lives of this group of characters that would have otherwise never interacted. But marveling at that ingenuity is a far cry from actually enjoying the result. While some of the characters and their respective stories are fairly interesting, they inevitably are brought down as they intersect with the other half of the characters that I really cared absolutely nothing about. If I were to put a number on it, only about half of the story and half the characters in this movie were particularly interesting or otherwise enjoyable to watch. This is the sort of movie that only a huge fan of one or more of the cast members should rent, and even then prepare for disappointment. Not even Charlize Theron being naked would get me to sit through this movie again. Or at least not all of it anyway... 4/10

Review - Blade (1998)

1998-09-16T18:42:00.000-03:00

Starring - Wesley Snipes; Stephen Dorff; Kris Kristofferson; N'Bushe Wright & Donal Logue Director - Stephen Norrington MPAA - Rated R for strong, pervasive vampire violence and gore, language, and brief sexuality. Blade is the movie that shows that Wesley Snipes really can live up to his potential as one of Hollywood's premier leading men. Blade is based on the comic book character of the same name and has that comic book kind of feel to it. It is a very stylish movie and for the most part that style works very well. Although, at a few points I thought I was watching a music video as opposed to a movie. The ideas behind Blade are good, as is the basic plot of the story. But at times, things seem to get a bit muddled, and the writers appear to want to do too many things at once. That really doesn't take away from the story too much, but it does hurt it a little bit. Blade (Snipes) is half man, half vampire. His mother was bitten by a vampire when she was pregnant with him and as a result he has many of the classic traits of a vampire - including a thirst for human blood that must be kept under control by a special serum which quenches his blood lust. Blade has spent his life hunting down and killing vampires as a sort of revenge for the fact that one of their kind killed his mother. But this isn't as easy as it seems, because the vampires in Blade's world are more sophisticated than the ones that you find in most films. The government and other authorities know of the existence of vampires, but they let them feast of the population at large because they are taking bribes from the vampires. Where do vampires get money? Well, in Blade, they run multinational companies in order to finance their vampire organizations. I personally thought that this whole secret corporate world run by vampires to be a very clever idea, and a great addition to the movie. Blade runs up against the evil Deacon Frost (Stephen Dorff) a maverick in the vampire community. He isn't content to live among humans, and is convinced that the vampire race is the superior one and he means to insure its superiority. He has managed to translate the ancient vampire scrolls that tell of the method of making him an all-powerful vampire -- rendering him virtually unstoppable. It's up to Blade to see that this doesn't transpire. Admittedly, Blade is style over substance through and through. The story is a relatively forgettable one, but it is fun none the less. The acting in Blade is just about what you would expect from a movie of this type. This isn't a film that is going to win accolades for its performances, and the actors know this. The movie is played for fun and nobody seems to think otherwise. It's a popcorn movie, and no one involved has any illusions otherwise. Blade's production values are as slick as any that you will find in your typical summer blockbuster. The combat sequences between Blade and his vampire targets are incredibly well done, although the MTV-style cuts did get on my nerves after a while during long sequences. Blade is a fun movie with an interesting take on the vampire genre. This is not the movie for those of you who like your vampires in tuxedos and living in coffins in the basement of some gothic castle. What Blade excels at is bringing the classic lore of the vampire into the next century with a fresh outlook on life. 7/10 - Very Cool.

Review - Anaconda (1997)

1998-05-22T18:39:00.000-03:00

Starring - Jennifer Lopez; Ice Cube; Jon Voight; Eric Stoltz & Jonathan Hyde Director - Luis Llosa MPAA - Rated PG-13 for intense adventure violence, and for brief language and sensuality. OK, so Anaconda is not going to go down in history as the greatest film ever made. For that matter, its not even anywhere near the top of the list. But it's a fun little movie none the less. You simply have to take it for what it is -- the kind of movie that you watch for some light entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. I can say that I was disappointed in one area though, and that was special effects. Before seeing this film, I kept hearing about the great snake effects. Well friends, they might have been great compared to the special effects on an old episode of Star Trek, but they weren't anything to write home about compared to what audiences are used to today. As computer generated animal effects go -- if you compared the snake in Anaconda to the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park -- these effects look downright cheesy. But that's OK, because it goes along well with the cheesy acting of most of the film's stars -- most notably, Jon Voight and his over-the-top accent. Now my guess is that this was the effect that the filmmakers were going for, because Jon Voight is just too fine an actor to give an over the top performance like this without it being intentional. Although I do think he should have put a little extra effort into what turned out to be a really bad accent. As I said, the producers seemed to want to inject an element of camp into just about every aspect of this film, and they certainly accomplished that goal. The basic premise goes something like this -- a documentary film crew is sailing up the Amazon River to make a movie. The crew includes Ice Cube and bodacious babe Jennifer Lopez. Along the way, they meet up with snake hunter Jon Voight. When one of the crew gets injured, Voight's character convinces them to take a shortcut so they can get the man back to civilization for medical attention. What they don't know is that his shortcut also happens to be the home turf of a very large, and very mean, anaconda. The anaconda, by the way, isn't accepting visitors. In Anaconda, acting and plot take a back seat to the computer-generated snake. Let's not pussyfoot around it, Anaconda is just one big showcase for the snake. It is never a good idea when little things like plot are pushed aside for the special effects. It becomes even worse when the special effects stink. In some scenes the stupid snake looks so bad that you would think that they had a bunch of 5 year olds with a pack of crayons doing the animation. OK, maybe it's not that bad, but you get the point. When they base a movie around special effects it would be nice if they actually had spent money on the special effects. Or better yet, if they had hired people who knew how to create them properly. Anaconda is campy -- not a bad thing had the snake made up for the camp. The only reason I can really recommend this film would be for the fact that Jennifer Lopez is hot and sweaty throughout. For my money, that's worth the price of admission any day of the week. But other than Ms. Lopez's perspiration, there is really nothing else that warrants an exuberant recommendation for this movie. 6/10

Review - Species II (1998)

1998-04-12T16:33:00.000-03:00

Starring - Michael Madsen; Natasha Henstridge; Marg Helgenberger; Mykelti Williamson & George Dzundza Director - Peter Medak MPAA - Rated R for strong sexuality, sci-fi violence/gore and language. I'm going to start right out by saying that Species II is not as good as the first movie. The story is good, the acting is good, and the special effects are better than the first Species, but Species II seems to lack something. Oh I know, it must be the fact that Natasha Henstridge isn't naked in every second scene she is in. While that may seem like a really sexist comment, (which it probably is) nobody will deny that that little fact was part of the ingredients that made the first film so successful. So when the lovely Natasha declined to do as much nudity in the second movie as she did in the first, (don't worry guys, she still takes her clothes off in one scene) the producers must have thought that the lack of skin would hurt the movie. So we now have no fewer than three additional women with nude scenes in Species II. Now don't get me wrong boys and girls, I love to see beautiful naked women running around on the screen, but this was just too obvious. They might have well just put a disclaimer at the first of the film -- Since Natasha only gets naked once, we have included a whole bunch of other naked women to make up for Natasha's excessive clothing. Species II has a simple enough premise. A manned mission to Mars comes into contact with some alien DNA that decides to hitch a ride with the astronauts back to Earth. It infects the mission commander, Patrick Ross, (Justin Lazard) who, much like the alien Sil from Species, finds himself compelled to mate with as many women as he can to start a race of aliens. When dead bodies start turning up, the army goes to Press Lenox, (Michael Madsen) one of the only surviving members of the team that destroyed the alien in the first Species. Meanwhile, back at a government lab, Dr. Laura Baker, (Marg Helgenberger) the other survivor of Species, has gone to work for the government and cloned a copy of Sil, the alien from the first movie. This new clone is named Eve and is again played by Natasha Henstridge. Eve has been raised a little differently from Sil. Having learned from past mistakes, the scientists have made some genetic changes which make Eve more docile than her predecessor and try to restrain her naturally overactive libido Anyway, in the hunt for this new alien, Eve is asked to help. It doesn't take a real stretch to figure out that an over sexed female alien and an over sexed male alien have only one thing on their minds. So when the two finally get together, watch out. Seem like a simple plot line? Well kids, it is. The producers of Species II didn't put a whole heck of a lot of thought into this one. Hey it's a nice touch that Natasha Henstridge gets to play a good alien in this film, just the opposite of her character in the first film. It's just too bad that little plot device was already used in Terminator 2, and with much better results. My guess is that when this film was being written, the writers thought that Natasha Henstridge would again be topless for most of the movie, and no one would care about little technicalities like a plot since they would be to busy drooling over her chest. Considering the writing, Species II isn't all bad. The acting is pretty good. I mean we aren't talking Oscar nominations here, but its average for a sci-fi action thriller. Natasha Henstridge continues to improve with each movie that she is in. Michael Madsen and Marg Helgenberger do their normally good jobs. Nice additions to the cast include Mykelti Williamson as one of the astronauts from the infected Mars mission, as an added bit of comic relief. James Cromwell as a senator and father of the infected astronaut, and George Dzundza (whom some may recognize best from his work on the first season of Law & Order) as the army colonel in charge of cleaning up this latest batch of aliens. Not a bad film, just not nearly as good as it could have been. Definitely not for the squeamish, or those who don't approve of nude scenes thrown in for any reason other than that the producers like looking at naked women. Hey, it's a fun movie as long as you don't go expecting too much. 6/10 - Not bad, but not great.

Review - Fair Game (1995)

1998-04-09T16:27:00.000-03:00

Starring - William Baldwin; Cindy Crawford; Steven Berkoff; Christopher McDonald & Miguel Sandoval Director - Andrew Sipes MPAA - Rated R for intermittent strong violence, language and a scene of sexuality. All right, the first problem that Fair Game has is the casting of supermodel Cindy Crawford in the lead role. Not that Cindy does that bad, it's just that anyone who watches this film knows from moment one that that little bit of casting was not done because of Cindy's extraordinary acting skills, but for her extraordinary ability to look drop dead gorgeous in any situation. And in Fair Game most situations tend to find Cindy either soaking wet or very hot and sweaty, but I'm sure that that is just a coincidence, no doubt that these situations were essential to the plot and the fact that Cindy looks great wet, well, that's just a happy coincidence. Sure. William Baldwin isn't a bad actor. Unfortunately, he just doesn't demonstrate it at all in this movie. I'm not sure if that's because most of his lines were just so hokey, or if he was trying to make Cindy's acting look good. If it was the latter, it worked. Cindy does a surprisingly good job here in her first movie; which is not to say that she doesn't have room for improvement. Although to be fair to Cindy, her lines were kinda cheesy in places. So right about now you are no doubt asking yourself what sort of movie does Cindy Crawford, arguably the most beautiful woman on the planet, chose for her foray into the world of cinema. Well, I'm glad you asked that question. Cindy plays a lawyer who by some convoluted plot twists becomes a target for former elite KGB agents. Why would they target someone as likable as Cindy, you ask? By the end of the movie you won't care. The story is so contrived it isn't funny. Anyway after Cindy gets blown out of the window of her house, without getting so much as a scratch I might add, she is placed into protective police custody under the watchful eve of William Baldwin. Baldwin's character, Max Kirkpatrick, is a police detective who seems to possess the skills of some sort of fighting machine. My guess is that the writers have seen way too many of Steven Seagal's early films. The idea of the Crawford and Baldwin's characters of the run from these killer Russians isn't all that bad of an idea, it's just everything around that basic idea which kinda stinks out loud. The supporting cast members are nothing more that over acted stereotypes. If I was Baldwin, I'd hope this film disappears. As for Crawford, she may indeed have some acting ability. Unfortunately, any she does have is obscured by writing that goes beyond bad. This movie was obviously written with Cindy in mind, since the writers spend most of their time finding ways to capitalize off of her looks. It's too bad they hadn't spent more time on a half decent plot, since Ms. Crawford is more than capable of looking just fine all by herself; thank you very much. Unless you are a huge fan of either Baldwin or Crawford this is a movie that will only disappoint you. 4/10

Review - Wild Things (1998)

1998-03-31T16:35:00.000-04:00

Starring - Kevin Bacon; Matt Dillon; Neve Campbell; Theresa Russell & Denise Richards Director - John McNaughton MPAA - Rated R for strong sexuality, nudity, language and some violence. If you were to judge Wild Things based on the advertising alone, it may be reasonable for someone to conclude that it is nothing more than Hollywood's version of a soft core porn flick. Considering most clips feature the very well endowed Denise Richards walking around in very skimpy clothing. Of course by now, most people have heard about the ménage a trois involving Kevin Bacon, Neve Campbell and the afore-mentioned Ms. Richards. If that wasn't enough you have also no doubt heard about Kevin Bacon's full frontal nude scene. So with all this T&A being hyped and talked about, does the movie have anything else besides sex and nudity? Much to my surprise, Wild Things is a really good movie. Now I have to admit up front that the main reason I went to this film, other than to review it, was for the over hyped lesbian scenes. (Judging by the large proportion of males in the theater, I'm not the only one who went because of that.) Now Wild Things is sort of difficult to write a synopsis on. Not that it's confusing; it's just one of those movies that you can't say too much about before you start giving things away. Wild Things revolves around a spoiled rich girl, Kelly Van Ryan, (Denise Richards) and her claim that one of her high school teachers, Sam Lombardo, (Matt Dillon) raped her. Kevin Bacon plays the police detective assigned to the case, and Neve Campbell is the girl from the wrong side of the tracks who comes forward with a similar charge against the teacher. Obviously not everything is as it appears in Wild Things, but to say too much would ruin the film. Let's just say that it is worth your time to go find out for yourself. By the end of the movie nothing will surprise you anymore. This is one well thought out movie. As to performances -- having never been a big Matt Dillon fan I was pleasantly surprised at how good he was in this film. Kevin Bacon also gave one of his better performances in a while. Denise Richards who's only other claim to fame was Starship Troopers does a good job here. She has a great deal of potential, hopefully she will get recognized for her talent and not just she looks. Too often talented actresses who happen to be well-endowed fall into the trap of taking roles that involve nudity over substance. (Natasha Henstridge is a good example.) But I digress… Neve Campbell does a fair job, but seems to be taking roles that are becoming more and more annoying. Theresa Russell also is in the film as Denise Richard's over sexed mother. My question was, why? The woman is in her 40's and they have her prancing around in a bikini. It was just embarrassing. Robert Wagner has a cameo as Denise Richard's lawyer, while he overacts in a way that would make William Shatner proud; it is good to see him again in a film. The one to watch is Bill Murray as Matt Dillon's attorney. Murray, as always is great, and unlike some of the films that he has done in recent years, this time the writing backs up his talent. Murray steals every scene he is in. One other point about the movie that is interesting to note, is the end credits. In recent years directors have taken to showing out takes and bloopers during the end credits. Wild Things goes a step further. During the credits they show how the events of the movie came to be. It's kind of like a mini prequel. It's worth the extra few minutes that you have to stay in your seat. So if you want lots of sex and shots of Denise Richards topless, then Wild Things is the movie for you. If you are interested in a movie with a great story and good overall acting, Wild Things fits the bill there too. It's certainly going to rank as one of the most fun movies of the year. 8/10 - I'd even rate it that high if Denise Richards wasn't naked.

Review - Maximum Risk (1996)

1998-03-29T16:26:00.000-04:00

Starring - Jean-Claude Van Damme; Natasha Henstridge; Jean-Hugues Anglade; Zach Grenier & Paul Ben-Victor Director - Ringo Lam MPAA - Rated R for strong violence, and for some sexuality and language. Here's a concept -- Jean-Claude Van Damme gets killed within the first ten minutes of the movie. Now if that isn't enough to get you to finally see a Van Damme movie, I don't know what is. All sarcasm aside, it is certainly a different way to start a movie; of course a few minutes later we find out that the newly deceased had a twin brother -- so lucky us, we get to see more of Jean-Claude. Van Damme #1 works for the Russian Mafia in the United States and is killed by some of their operatives. Van Damme #2 is a police officer in France who finds out that he had a twin brother he never knew about after #1 gets killed in France. The remaining twin (the French cop) goes to the United States to find out who killed his brother and avenge his death. Once there, he hooks up with his deceased brother's girlfriend, played by Natasha Henstridge, and the two of them set out to discover who the murderers are. Jean-Claude's acting abilities don't seem to be up to the usual lackluster standards in this movie. In other words, just in case you missed the sarcasm, his acting is worse than normal. On the upside, Natasha Henstridge is in this film, and she does what she did best in Species -- she gets naked. Sadly, this is probably the high point in the movie. She is actually a decent actress, but didn't improve as much as I thought she would after Species. This is the typical Van Damme movie, with Jean-Claude doing a variety of high end martial arts moves on his opponents. Nothing new here; and certainly nothing we haven't seen in every other Van Damme movie. Simply put, there is absolutely nothing new about this movie. It has a retread plot -- this isn't the first time Jean-Claude has played twins. He still can't act. We all saw Natasha's breasts in Species (although this is one repeat performance I'm not complaining about). This is pretty much like every movie that Van Damme has ever been involved in -- sub par. 4/10

Review - Freeway (1996)

1997-12-29T16:30:00.000-04:00

Starring - Kiefer Sutherland; Reese Witherspoon; Amanda Plummer; Michael T. Weiss & Brooke Shields Director - Matthew Bright MPAA - Rated R for strong lurid violence and sexual dialogue, some sexual situations, drug content and language. I used to think that The Conversation was the worse film I had ever seen. Freeway is giving me second thoughts. Freeway is a modern retelling of Little Red Riding Hood. Only in the nineties, Little Red Riding Hood is a foul-mouthed juvenile delinquent played by Reese Witherspoon, and the Big Bad Wolf is a serial killer (Keifer Sutherland). To top that pathetic premise off -- Reese goes to visit Granny and you'll never guess who's waiting under the covers in Granny's bed. Keifer Sutherland is one of Hollywood's most talented, yet underrated actors, and Reese Witherspoon is exceptionally talented and will most likely become a major star. So what are they doing in this movie? After seeing the end result, undoubtedly they are both asking themselves the same question. You might be asking yourself why this is such a short review. The answer is quite simple -- I don't want to waste any more of my time writing or thinking about this movie than absolutely necessary. I wasted enough of my time just sitting through it. Note to Keifer: You wonder why you aren't a bigger star in Hollywood. It's because you keep making movies like this. Note to Reese: You were great in Fear, what happened this time? Note to both: Don't worry about it too much, no one saw this movie anyway. Bottom line -- I'm still shaking my head. Don't waste your time on this turkey. If you want to see a great Keifer Sutherland movie, go rent Flatliners or Young Guns. Reese Witherspoon's abundant acting talents are used to their full potential in Fear, a great thriller. Do yourself a favor and rent one of these movies -- but stay as far away from Freeway as you possibly can. 0/10 - If this isn't the worst movie ever made, it comes in an extremely close second.

Review - Congo (1995)

1997-12-15T16:25:00.000-04:00

Starring - Laura Linney; Dylan Walsh; Ernie Hudson; Tim Curry & Grant Heslov Director - Frank Marshall MPAA - Rated PG-13 for jungle adventure terror and action and brief strong language. Congo is based on the Michael Crichton novel of the same name. Laura Linney plays a scientist whose company has sent an expedition into the Congo to look for a lost city. While the expedition is in contact with their employers in the US via a video satellite link, they are attacked. Before the transmission is cut off, it appears as though the attackers are giant gorillas. Linney is told to mount another expedition to find out what happened. Her character hooks up with another expedition that is also going to the Congo. This one consists of a scientist who is returning his gorilla, Amy, to the Congo. Oh yeah, Amy knows sign language and the intrepid scientist has developed technology that interprets her signs into words. So Amy can speak. Sound kinda dumb? Well, in the original novel, Crichton pulls it off. The movie doesn't. Congo is a disappointment from the get go. Amy, as you might expect, is not a real gorilla -- and it shows. There are very few scenes in this movie were you might actually be fooled into thinking this was anything other than a guy in a bad gorilla suit. The actors are largely wasted in this movie -- especially Ernie Hudson who plays the guide, and Tim Curry as the shady treasure hunter along for the ride. The rest of the cast is almost laughable. It may be as much a fault of the script as it was of the actors. I suppose if I was an actor, it would be pretty difficult trying to give my best effort while acting alongside a talking monkey. Not to mention the fact that Congo doesn't quite seem to know if it is an action movie or if it some sort of environmental cause. The movie seems to instantly switch gears back and fourth from this dangerous search for the lost city, to some sort of animal rights message that Amy should be with her own kind in the jungle and not in captivity. Of course that message is completely forgotten when the killer apes arrive and the cast starts unloading some heavy firepower into them. I'm not even going to go into the somewhat schizophrenic killer apes. For most of the movie they are portrayed as being these highly intelligent creatures, but during the final climactic scenes of the movie all those brains seem to have gone right out the window. Confused? Don't feel bad. So were the filmmakers. The movie isn't a total disaster; it just could have been so much better considering the source of the story; which, in all fairness, is not Crichton's best work. So let's just say this film is no Jurassic Park. The only high point, and we're not talking Mount Everest here, is the fact that some of the special effects weren't half bad. But they weren't good enough to make up for the guy in the bad monkey suit. My advice? If you are a Michael Crichton fan -- read the book. Everyone else should stay away from this movie and check out one of the better Crichton movie adaptations -- like Jurassic Park or Rising Sun. 5/10